The 9th prompt for a poetry submission at Deadlines for Writers was "Why?" Written at deadline time, here is the poem I submitted. I posted it with this teaser: My youngest grandson, Ethan, was a typical inquisitive three-year-old. Here's a day in the life...

The Why-nosaur

A three-year-old’s life is full of “why?”

And moms must have a ready reply.

Every morning, he’s up with the sun,

A day of questions has just begun.

#

During morning routine, questions abound.

I ate red and white; why’s my poop brown?

My teeth are not dirty; I brushed them last night.

Why is that lightbulb “way uppy high”?

#

The day moves on, and meal-prep looms,

And the kitchen is where the learning resumes.

Why do onions make you cry?

What makes clouds float in the sky?

#

Do I have to be nice to kids I don’t like?

Do you know if God has a bike?

Why does my tummy go up and down?

How can I see blue when my eyes are brown?

#

It’s getting late, and it’s time for bed.

But questions still fill that three-year-old head.

Did you really like that picture I drew?

Why can’t I stay up late like you?

#

 “Shhh, go to sleep, we must get some rest.

Why? Just because!  Mommy knows best!

No more questions now. Not one. No more.

Sleep well, my sweet little Why-nosaur!"

Red

RED

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked.

“Red,” my answer came.

Then I, being I, could not let it lie

And added, “But what’s in a name?”

“My favorite color for roses

Is a velvety burgundy hue.

And poppies always catch my eye

When their scarlet is covered in dew.

“The ginger silk of the baby’s hair

And the russet red of her brother’s.

The chestnut shine on one pony’s neck

The rich carmine glow on another’s.

“My favorite color for gemstones?

How could I possibly choose?

The candy-red sparkle of rubies -

Or the garnet’s mahogany hues?

“And, oh my! There’s the sunset sky –

Salmon, magenta, and rose!

That deep brick red as the sun goes to bed

Thrills me down to my toes!

“So, what’s my favorite color?

I’ll just leave those details unsaid.

What’s my favorite color?

I guess I’ll just say it’s red.”

Joan Shaw Turrentine

February 2019

12 Poems in 12 Months

Poetry Prompt - Red

Oxymorons

Oxymorons are of interest to people like me who enjoy any unusual word usages. An oxymoron is generally defined as a term or expression that is composed of two usually contradictory words. There are some which are used unintentionally. For example:

1. That is a pretty ugly dog!
2. We'd like some time to be alone together.
3. Try to act natural!
4. Those sure are tight slacks.
5. We had a small crowd at the meeting last night.
6. We're terribly pleased that you're here.
7. Let's just use the plastic glasses.
8. The blood test proved him to be legally drunk.
9. That girl is a real phony!
10.Her solo was perfectly awful.
11. Let's use the paper tablecloth today.
12. Get me the mild hot sauce.
13. He was clearly confused.
14. I ate the whole piece of pie.
15. She went about her unusual routine quietly.

Some have been designed to catch attention, to express an opinion, or to convey humor. (For this reason, writers often use oxymorons as book titles.) For example:

16. Silent Scream
17. Microsoft works
18. Sweet sorrow
19. Foolish genius
20. French bravery
21. Military intelligence
22. Business ethics
23. Definite maybe
24. Rap music
25. Sounds of silence
26. New York culture
27. Living Dead
28. Icy hot
29. Small fortune
30. Organized chaos

HUH??? Dumb Signs (or Dumb Signmakers)

A few of the best signs found at Dumb.com. This is about half of the list titled "Actual Signs We Have Seen." Many of the signs were intentionally cute. I like the ones that were unintentionally funny.
1.... A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands. (this reminds me of bank policy that only gives loans to those who can prove they don't need the money.)
2.... At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

3.... At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. (It might be a little hard to drive the newly-gassed-up car from your glass container!)

4.... English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating.

5.... In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. (Shoes need an advocate to demonstrate for their right to choose!)

6.... In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.

7.... In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

8.... In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.

9.... In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is day care on the first floor.

10.... In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. (Thank goodness we don't have to remove them while the lights are still on and other customers can gawk!)

11.... In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks. (Those poor guys with only 15 necks are out of luck today.)

12.... In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.

13.... In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center (who knows what could happen if Mental Health becomes widespread.)

14.... In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

15.... In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car

16.... In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last long! (Finally - a manufacturer willing to tell it like it is.)

17.... In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. (Hey, I was IN this restroom last week, before I got there someone had already used the floor below .)

18.... In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. (I want to be there after tea break with my camera in hand to record this feat.)

19.... In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

20.... On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. (Well, here we have another honest merchant!)

21.... On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)

22.... On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

23.... On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

24.... On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot. (Must have been dribbled spaghetti sauce!)

25.... On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you cannot read this card...

26.... On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.

27.... On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish (I hope this is better than the whitened grayfish they served last week!)

28.... Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome. (Exclusive is an interesting word, isn't it?)

29.... Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1. (I don't mind self-service checkout lines or self-pump gasoline, but I believe I'll go for the prepackaged here!)

Thursday Thirteen - Edition 26 - Word Magic from recent reading

Thirteen Examples of Interesting Phrasing from My Recent Reading In case there are any other wordnerds out there, I bring to you again some of the interesting phrasing I have read in the past couple of weeks. I have not kept good records, but these are mostly from my light fiction reading. Just so you know, I DO read nonfiction, devotional, biographical, self-help, and historical material too, but when I am reading serious thoughts that require concentration, I am not as inclined to stop and note the phrasing as much. At those times I am more likely to notice longer passages that open new avenues of thought. Perhaps I will list thirteen of those one Thursday. Meanwhile, don't you like the use of words and phrases in these? 1. How do you stay decent in a system that is essentially corrupt? 2. Feminazi 3. He sat, bland with entitlement, insensitive as a truck tire. (I love the "bland with entitlement" part - hey, I think I KNOW that guy!) 4. God's on His break, so she's in charge. (Gee, I know this gal too!) 5. This further tap upon the cracked vase of Helen sufficed to send her into fragments. 6. (Court) was run with the speed and dignity of a KMart, Saturday afternoon on the low side of town. 7. (These were) minor tasks he could do sleeping. 8. Response to "God bless you": "Unlikely, but I thank you." 9. He used to tell us we should act as if anything we did was going to show up on the front page the next day, and we should be able to read it there without embarrassment. (This would be good policy for all of us, don't you think?) 10. Could they, could anyone, given unlimited resources, try to graft, let us say, an actual human person onto that empty physical form? 11. Perhaps they can adjust the soup in Brian's head. 12. It (tying to determine what is the "right" thing to do) was like trying to wallpaper a running hog. 13. I gave her language. She was sad and groping. She had the feelings but no semantic boxes to put them in. (If you read this blog with any regularity at all, you know I love this one.)

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Clever Turns of Phrase

I have received several emails over the last ten or twelve years designed to bring a laugh with a twist on the expected or a clever use of words. Today I reread this one.

I’m not 40-something. I’m $39.95 plus shipping and handling

Since we just recently moved into our own home after 40-something years of living in furnished parsonages, we have done a lot of ordering, so take my word for it: S&H is much more than $.05 on $40!

A person in my age bracket can even get in on this nowadays. How about this?

For today only, if you call in the next 10 minutes, I am not 60 something. I'm 39 plus S&H.

What's your take? Can you suggest a different variation?

2007 Banished Words

Lake Superior State University, Michigan's smallest public university with an enrollment of 3,000 students, publishes yearly a tongue-in-cheek list of banished words. These are words that have been overused or misused to the point that they are deemed to have lost meaning. The 2007 list can be found here. If you have words you would like to submit for 2008 banishment, LSSU accepts nominations throughout the year at this website.

As a word-nerd, I always find it interesting to contemplate these newly banished words and always find a few that make me say, "It's about time!" A few of the words that made this year's list (along with some comments) follow this introductory paragraph.

ARMED ROBBERY/DRUG DEAL GONE BAD -- From the news reports. My husband and I laugh aloud everytime we hear this on a news report (at least once a week it seems.) Was the drug deal or the armed robbery going really well up until this point? It is such a shame when a good thing is spoiled, don't you think?

HEALTHY FOOD -- This misuse reminds me of the common confusion between nauseous and nauseated. I read or hear this one a couple of times a month at least -- usually by someone who should know better! I like the example given in the original 2007 Banished Words List: Someone told Joy Wiltzius of Fort Collins, Colorado, that the tuna steak she had for lunch "sounded healthy." Her reply: "If my lunch were healthy, it would still be swimming somewhere. Grilled and nestled in salad greens, it's 'healthful.'"

AWESOME -- This one was given a one-year moratorium in 1984. It was supposed to use the time off to regain its original meaning of 'fear mingled with admiration or reverence; a feeling produced by something majestic." The time has come to just BANISH this word outright. Can tennis shoes, warmups, deodorant or a hairstyle actually inspire 'fear mingled with admiration or reverence'? Are our nation's writers' vocabularies so limited that they can't think of a better adjective to describe a basketball player or a mall. Surely they don't actually believe that these are 'majestic.' Do you really find it awesome (fear mingled with admiration or reverence, remember?) that Suzy just got a new haircut?

WENT MISSING -- This expression never made any sense; it should have been banished before it was ever used. Instead of "going shopping", Suzy "went missing". It sounds as if she chose an activity and "went skiing" or "went jogging." The meaning would be much clearer with the use of "is missing" or "was missing."

COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES -- M. Foster, Port Huron, Michigan, was one person who made this nomination. "It's bad enough that celebrities have to be the top news stories. Now we've given them obnoxious names such as 'Brangelina,' 'TomKat' and 'Bennifer.'" Think about what some of the celebrity duos of yore would have been called if this annoying and superficial media practice had existed in their days: BogCall (Bogart and Bacall), Lardy (Laurel and Hardy), and CheeChong (Cheech and Chong) I won't add a comment to this because I don't generally read or listen to drivel about celebrities, although I WAS aware of these obnoxious combinations of names.

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS -- Heard in movie advertisements. Where can we see that, again? Are they afraid we will expect to see this new movie in the local school? Maybe the movie makers think we will hurry to the fast food restaurant down the street to see their movie? Thanks a lot, guys, but I believe that I know where to go if I want to see a movie.

WE'RE PREGNANT -- I was happy to read of the banishment of this sentence. I'm glad to know that others find it ludicrous to hear a man make this startling statement. Sharla Hulsey, of Sac City, Iowa, commented, "Were men feeling left out of the whole morning sickness/huge belly/labor experience? You may both be expecting, but only one of you is pregnant." Marlena linne, of Greenfield, Indiana, said,
"I'm sure any woman who has given birth will tell you that 'WE' did not deliver the baby." Well, DUH, as the kiddies say. Good and valid points, indeed.

UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN -- John Varga of Westfield, New Jersey, said it all: "If they haven't followed the law to get here, they are by definition 'illegal.' It's like saying a drug dealer is an 'undocumented pharmacist.'"

BOASTS -- See classified advertisements for houses, as in "master bedroom boasts his-and-her fireplaces -- never 'bathroom apologizes for cracked linoleum,' or 'kitchen laments pathetic placement of electrical outlets.'" I had actually never thought a lot about this one; but I laughed at the commentary provided with the announcement of the word's banishment and felt compelled to include it.

Maybe there are words you'd like to nominate for banishment in 2008.

Christmas Music Misheard

Music is a big part of any celebration, and there is a plethora of Christmas songs, both sacred and secular. Unfortunately, song Lyrics are not always easy to understand and are often misheard as the listener tries to make sense of what he/she is hearing. I am sure all of us know someone who understood the beginning of the United States national anthem as "Jose, can you see..." or the line in the Lord's prayer as "How, Lord, be thy name?" or "Howard be thy name." Christmas songs have often been misheard, too, of course.

As I was surfing blogs this week (frittering away my vast supply of free time in the week before Christmas), I found an interesting post at Scribbit about misheard lyrics to Christmas songs. Most of these were actual examples taken from children of her acquaintance. I enjoyed reading them; so I have stolen and amplified part of that post and embellished it with other examples.

The First Noel: "Oh, Well, Oh well, Oh well, Oh we---ell"

Angels We Have Heard on High: "GloooooooOOOOOOOO--ria!In-ex-pen-sive Day-OGloooooOOOOOOOO--ria!" or "In-egg shells she's Day-AY-O!"

Jingle Bells: "Oh what fun it is to ride in a slippin' slippin' sleigh-AY!"

or "Oh what fun it is to ride in a one Norse sopen sleigh." or "In a one horse soap and sleigh."

Let It Snow, Let It Snow: "and since there's no place to go, yellow snow, yellow snow, yellow snow." Alternately, this has been misheard as "lettuce snow, lettuce snow, lettuce snow."

O Little Town of Bethlehem: "Yet in thy dark streets, China." (I thought Bethlehem was in the Middle East!"

Frosty the Snowman: "Frosty the Snowman was a jolly, happy ho--With a cock-eyed pike and a runny nose and two eyes made out of coal . . ."

Feliz Navidad: "Fleas on my Dog"

Hark, the Herald Angels Sing: "Hark the hairy angel sings"

Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer: "Olive, the other reindeer" (Hey, I thought this song was about Rudolph!)

Enjoy the music of the season and sing with heart -- however the lyrics hit your ear.

(If you enjoy this kind of exercise, there are lots of sites on the internet to find misheard lyrics. One good site: The Archive of Misheard Lyrics)