The Duty of the Octogenarian

 As one reaches my age, there is a sense of responsibility to be diligent in passing along hard-learned lessons in living. We see our grandchildren and their friends beginning to make the decisions that will determine the course of their lives, and we want to help them avoid setting living/thinking patterns that will lead to dissatisfaction, and unhappiness in their personal lives. We want them to see the value that their personal choices have in the continuation of a prosperous and functioning culture. Also, we are aware that many (most?) twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings have been taught by society that all opinions and ideas are equally valuable, and they don't need to listen to anybody else's input in their decision-making (a catastrophically erroneous idea).

For those willing at attend to a few life-experience opinions and recommendations, I offer these:

1. From your early days of marriage, set a pattern of real sharing with your partner. Be sure that you discuss more than just what's for dinner and who's going to mow the lawn. If you want your marriage to endure and thrive into your old age, you must KNOW this person you married. I regret that, in the hugeness of child-bearing, child-raising, and career-building, we had few discussions about what we read, what we heard in worship service, what direction we hoped to see our country move, and many other topics that would have given us insight to our partner's thinking.

2. Read regularly.

• When you read fiction, read at least some REALISTIC fiction (as opposed to all horror, fantasy, sci-fi, or the adrenaline-inducing "action" or "erotic" novels) The reason for this recommendation is that in realistic fiction we see real people facing real problems (like some you might face) and making difficult decisions. You have the opportunity to witness and evaluate the consequences of various life decisions as you read the denouement of the story. How often in real like could you have the opportunity to see, ahead of your own experience, what the long-term complications of a decision might be?
• When you read non-fiction, read about people or subjects that will give you something to admire, strive for, learn that will contribute to the success/happiness/productivity of your own life.

3. Remind yourself regularly that the only way to improved society is to improve individuals. When you live a clean, admirable, productive, and influencial life, you are doing your part to build a good society for future generations. You have little control over how other people live their lives.

4. Recognize that old proverbs, "sayings" "folk wisdom", etc. are actually good and helpful to remember and consider. They endured through generations because people through generations recognized their truth. Some of these include famous bible verses, quotes from great thinkers of the past, such as C.S. Lewis, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Abraham Lincoln, and many others.

5. I will add to this as I think of things that I consider really important.

A Niece's 40th Anniversary Tribute

This document was found in October 2023 contained in a writing notebook belonging to me from 1990)

When Jim was pastor at Avondale Patillo UMC 1990-1994, My Uncle Grady (Daddy’s brother) and his wife, Margaret, were members of our church. When they celebrated their 40^th anniversary in 1992, I wrote a poem for them.

 

The Family Plan

I think when the Lord made his plan for the world -

How his children would grow and their lives would unfurl,

He decided that families would be a good way to go.

He made mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, and so

As  generatios came and generations went,

An eventual byproduct was the uncle and aunt.

 

My siblings and I were better supplied than many

In uncles. We had four. That's plenty!

Our uncles were Daddy’s much-loved kid brothers.

 Their kidding and joking spilled over on others.

As nieces and nephews we kids love playing games

 With our fun filled uncles Jack, Bill, Grady, and James.

 

Our uncle Grady was a great friend to us kids.

Let me just tell you some things that he did.

He gave each of us nickles to go to the store.

Running errands for him was never a chore.

He played with us often and took us for walks.

 If we got too rowdy, he'd give us pep talks.

 

He laughed with us and at us. his laugh was a cure!

He tickled and teased us, helping us feel secure.

He entertained us with stories and blew us smoke ring;s

He was a kid’s ideal uncle -- an Angel without wings.

 

Aunt Margaret joined the family when I was a teen;

She was quite an addition to the Shaw family scene.

She was tall with such grace and a beautiful smile -

Our first aunt on the Shaw side -- we were growing in style!

I thought my new aunt was quite a grand lady;

But she made us call Uncle Junior “Uncle Grady.”

 

Years have gone by since the days I've recalled;

Now when I think back and remember it all,

I thank God for his wisdom and making this plan -

Where a family can be more than just one woman and one man.

 Family can be those who touch our lives with their care,

Who help build our memories and cover us with prayer.

 

 

Thank you, Grady and Margaret, for all you have meant to each of us through the years. Thank you for the childhood years that the poem majored on and the memories that we share with you. Thank you also for the years of our adulthood when you have been an inspiration and support to us. We love you and celebrate with you 40 years of God bless partnership.

 

Joan Turrentine

 July 1992

Upon College Graduation - Steve

From an old writing notebook uncovered 10/23, written 1990.

Steve graduated from College in May 1990, just a few weeks before he and La Donna married. I wrote him this letter (from my heart but based partly on one I had read that Janice had written Charmaine) for the occasion.

Dear Steve,

As you accept your degree and step into a new relationship with the world, we know that the apron strings to us which have been lengthening as you've matured must soon be cut. As you have earned this independence, you have earned much more. You have proven yourself worthy of trust period now you are mature and dependable and ready to try your own wings, and we are confident that your flights will be beautiful as well as purposeful. We, your family, will observe each flight proudly, applaud enthusiastically, and be on call for you throughout our lives.

Because we love you, we have tried to instill within you morals that will withstand temptation; We have tried to help you develop a sense of responsibility. Our task was an easy one, for you are by nature a person with genuine concern and compassion. You have the ability to love generously. Though you have brought us joy and happiness that is immeasurable, we cannot shield you from disappointment nor guarantee all the things that we wish for you. We have no fortune that will help you gain favor or approval in this world. We have no easy formula for success; nor do we have a magic potion to ward off failure. We have not even been able to provide you with unblemished memories; for you have seen us cry faithless tears of despair, and you have witnessed ugliness in our times of anger and weakness. You have seen the necessity for forgiveness and beginning again in our lives and in our relationships. But the things that we have or have not been able to give you are insignificant compared to the things of real value in life that are all yours in Christ Jesus. Your heavenly father, who loves you far more than we, has riches in store beyond your and our comprehension.

We commit you now (as we committed you at your birth) to his care as the fire of the world tests the gold of your character. We are proud of you. We love you, and we will continue to lift you to God in our prayers daily.

With our love,

Dad and Mom

Ruminations on "Why the Big Divide"

(Incomplete at this point -- to be continued later.)

I have often thought (and said) that one reason long-married couples often grow apart is that they begin early in their marriage trying to balance each other out. For example: If one is a spendthrift, the other often becomes overly frugal in response. If one is quiet in social situations, the other sometimes tries to "pick up the slack" by being too talkative. Slowly the couple become opposites.

Likewise, I think that social media is somewhat responsible for the cultural divide in our world today. When a user expresses an interest in a particular subject or an opinion on a topic, the platform-managers direct more related content to that person's page. The user gets more and more affirmation for his/her opinion, He/she sees more and content related to that one interest. Consequently, he/she begins to feel even more strongly on the subject and has less and less connection to people with other interests and other opinions. 

Funny, Food-related Family Kid Stories

In going through papers at my Mother's house recently, I found this collection of kid stories I'd sent to her in an email. It features my grandchildren and Jan's grandchildren who were the age for that kind of cute kid talk at the time. All the other family kids were just as cute and full of such communication, but these few just happened to be the right age to get quoted when this email was sent. 

Brianne (just turned 2) Her parents often turned the TV to a ballgame or cooking show when it was time for B to settle down for bedime (to avoice stimulating her and to calm her down.) 

One night, as they watched "Emeril Live", Lyn said, "Well, Brianne, we need to get you to bed." 

Brianne replied, "But I want to watch the man cook!"

*****

Brianne (age 2 1/2) The family was "driving through" a fast food restaurant when 

Brianne (who was very experienced in the protocol for this activity) politely requested, "Mom, det me a sketti combo." Of course, since no such item was on the menu, she got her "sketti combo) from a can when they got home! 

*****

Brianne (age3) was eating pasta at a restaurant. She commented, "Mom, this is messy.I should have just ordered a milk shake."

*****

Brianne (age 3 1/2) was spending the day with her grandmother. Linda had taken a cake out of the freezer to let it thaw. Brianne wanted a pice, so Linda cut her a mall piece. Later at lunch, Brianne told Linda she only wanted another piece of cake - not the food Linda prepared for her. Linda told her that she had to eat some food that was good for her and couldn't just eat junk.  

Brianne replied, "Nanny, that not junk! That CAKE!"

*****

Brianne (age 3 1/2) found a small packet of cinnamon candies as they were getting ready to go to church. and she wanted to eat some. 

"Mommy," she said,"do you think I will get some candy at church, or should I just go ahead and eat some of these?"

*****

Natalie (age 2) was with the family going out to eat. They had to stop by the back first. 

When her dad rolled the window down at the bank drive through, Natalie leaned forward and called out loudly, "Sausage, Biscuit, and Diet Coke!" then turning to her older sister, she continued, "What you want, BeeAnn (Brianne)?" (BTW, Natalie doesn't drink Diet Coke.)

Natalie (age 2 1/2) was eating eggs, not paying attention, and turned her spoon bowl-side up. 

She looked down and said, "What is this? My spoon is upside backards!"

AnnaGrace (age 2) was talking listening to her Daddy talk on the phone to her Granddaddy and wanted to talk to him. Her GDaddy asked her what he was doing. 

Her response was, "Helping Daddy eat his plate." 

Her dad had come home late from work and was eating the "plate" his wife had saved for him.

AnnaGrace (age 2 1/2) loved cantaloupe and held her plate up to ask for "more Santaclope."

Dow (age 5) was horrified when he heard his aunt and uncle talk about having "pasta" for dinner. 

He asked incredulously, "You eat POSSUM?!"

*****

Gibby (age 2 1/2) was in the grocery story with her mother and two OLDER siblings. As they headed into the meat department, Hannah and Johnnie, her siblings, who were walking, ran toward the lobster tank. Her mother saw the older children heading away and called,"Where to do think you're going?" Gibbie, sitting in the shopping cart, piped up, "I let them go see the crabs!"

*****

Gibbie (age 3 1/2) was in the kitchen and asked for a peanut butter sandwich. Her mother asked her to wait a minute while she finished up another chore.  Apparently mom took too long, so Gibbie took matters into her own hands and got out the peanut butter, bread, and jelly and put them on the counter ready for her mother to come make the sandwich. 

"Gibbie," said her mother, "This is crunchy peanut butter; it has nuts in it.  Put it back and get the other one. You like the creamy peanut butter."  

Gibbie replied, "No, Hannah and Johnnie like creamy. I like this!"

Her mother, Charmaine, said, "No, Daddy is the one who likes nuts in it."

Gibbie said, "Daddy like crunchy AND I like crunchy. Hannah like creamy AND Johnnie likes creamy. Hey. I'm beginning to see a pattern here!"

*****

Gibbie (age 4 1/2) started asking her mother about heaven. She was very concerned about whether or not there'd be candy in heaven. Her mother assured her that there would be plenty of candy in heaven (I does say that in the Bible, doesn't it?) Gibbie wanted to know when she would go to heaven. Her mother told her that she doesn't know but that most people don't go to heaven until they are much older.

Gibbie replied, with a sigh, "Oh, okay. Well, I'm still pretty new!" 

My Maternal Grandmother

My maternal grandmother kept a jar of dimes in the kitchen, and would often give us each a dime, which was a fortune to us! She was an incredibly attentive listener. Even though there were several of us, looking back I think she must have intentionally managed to spend one-on-one time with each on of us. She would ask Terry to sing hymns for her, and she would listen raptly. 

I don't remember what she particularly did with any of the others, but I remember her asking me questions - real questions - listening and responding to my childish answers seriously - as she taught me to crochet.  She would ask what I was learning in school (not just how I liked it or who my friends were but what I was LEARNING.)  I realize now how unique that was. She was a hugger and a toucher, which made me feel very warm and secure at her house. 

I remember playing hopscotch on the sidewalk in front of her house or in her dirt yard. I remember watching her move around her kitchen singing hymns as she worked. Biscuits. Hair in a bun at the back of the head. Thick glasses. Housedresses. Snuff! Soft speech.

Halloween

Who else remembers when Halloween was a two- or three-hour holiday? Kids might have thought about it a few days before, but adults never gave it a thought ahead of time. Perhaps the day before (or after school - a regular school day - on Halloween day) Mama'd say, "Tonight you get to go trick-or-treating; what do want to dress up as? We could smudge your face and tie a hanky onto the end of a stick so you can be a hobo. Or we could put a scarf around your head and let you wear one of my dresses and some big loop earrings so you could be a gypsy. How about we make a eye-patch and make you into a pirate?" After supper, which was just a normal day's activity, we'd put on our "costume", Mama'd say, something like, "Don't go any farther than Elm Street and be back in an hour or so."

We'd take off with a group of our friends and go door to door on a couple of streets, gathering a few treats in some kind of small container. We'd come home and dump our treats (a few apples, some small boxes of raisins, maybe a popcorn ball made by some childless lady who had time to think and plan ahead, and a few pieces of homemade or occasionally commercially-made candy or cookies.) We were thrilled with the rare opportunity to have a choice of sweets - and not just after a meal; and life went on.

Halloween was celebrated in a few hours from start to finish, nobody went broke buying costumes and candy, it was a blip on the screen for most adults, and kids enjoyed a couple of hours with friends and few days' worth of edible treats to look forward to.

Rome, Italy to Rome, Georgia November 18, 2009

Just imagine! We journeyed from Rome to Rome in a day! Waking in Rome, Italy, we went to bed in Rome, GA 20+ hours later.

We docked in Rome (Civitevecchia) at 4 AM Wednesday after departing from Naples at 6 PM the night before.

I am glad that we've been to Rome twice before and have seen the Vatican, The Sistene Chapel, the Colloseum and other attractions there, because today allowed for not even a glimpse of the city of Rome.

This time, our flight left Rome at 9:45, so we were among the first passengers of the Grand Princess to disembark so that we could get from the seaport to the airport and catch our flight out at 9:45.

Let me tell you a story:

The loud 4:30 AM (that's 10:30 PM the previous night to those at home in Rome, GA) wake-up call jangled both Jim and Joan out of the few minutes of sleep they'd enjoyed all night. Up and at 'em, Kiddos! They showered and threw on the clothes they had kept out for today when most of the luggage had been set out the night before. After a hurried breakfast in Horizon Court Buffet, they quickly crammed the rest of their belongings into the carryon luggage, checked to be sure the paperwork was in order, and went downstairs to the Explorers Lounge to await the call for disembarkation. Promptly at 6:00, they and about 100 or so of their best friends were the first to disembark. They filled up two shuttle busses and started the l-o-n-g trip that would find them finally back in Rome, GA 20 hours later.

The bus trip from the harbor to the Leonardo DaVinci airport in Rome took about 50 minutes. Check in at the airport was painless and quick, and the pair found themselves seated at Gate 4 well before boarding time. The 12 hour flight involved sitting in the cramped airplane seats for about 13 hours, since the boarding began an hour before the flight was to leave. Again the airline, in its infinite wisdom, had decided that people who know each other should not fly in adjacent seats. But resourceful passengers prevailed against the system, and Jim changed seats with another passenger so he could serve as Joan's pillow for part of the trip. Our protagonists watch the lights of Rome, Italy recede in the distance.

Squirming in cramped airline seats, the passengers steadily rode back in time. When they landed in Atlanta an hour earlier than scheduled, their watches registered only 5 hours of travel after west-bound lift-off from Rome, Italy. Their seats and legs, however, knew the truth. Eleven hours of actual flight and more than 12 hours of inactivity on the plane was clearly written on the faces (and other body parts) of everyone in sight. The elaborate entertainment system (individual choices of games, movies, music, and TV shows available at the touch of a finger) built into the headrests for each passenger promised distraction but failed to live up to the promise. This failure was acknowledged by the airlines in the form of a voucher for future travel discounts distributed to each passenger as she/he departed the plane.

The Atlanta Airport experience was also an ordeal. Two hours after touchdown in Atlanta (yes, you read that right) - TWO hours later, our two zombi-like heros exited the airport!! After going through customs, passengers had to claim luggage at the international terminal, recheck it to be claimed again later in the domestic terminal. The security to get into the domestic terminal from the international one was the same as it is for a flight: shoes and coat off, laptop and C-Pap machine out of cases in into a bin, 3-ounce plastic containers in a quart-size bag, stand in a long line, walk through the arch, and reclaim belongings. Then the tramride to baggage claim and ground transportation! Yea! our heros conquer the airport just in time to reclaim thier car and join the Atlanta work traffic streaming out of the city!! Finally the lights of Rome, Georgia, appear to welcome our travelers; the car goes on autopilot and finally delivers them into their very own garage.

Thus ends the story of "The Long Day from Rome to Rome." The story was relayed to you in the third person because I didn't wish to relive the experience. It was the single most tiring plane trip I have ever endured. The first night at home offered little rest as both Jim's and my muscles loudly protested the abuse of the long period of enforced inactivity -- frequent and severe leg, toe, shin, hip, and calf cramps kept us getting up and down all night. This trip gave us a number of good experiences. We saw a lot of God's great creation and man's use of it through history, spent some quality time together, and unloaded a "passel" of money. But, after standing on 3 continents and 5 countries and sailing on 4 seas in 13 days, we are grateful to be home in Rome, GeeAy again!!!!

Floor Coverings

We have been getting estimates as to the cost of replacing the old carpet in this house with hardwood. The good news is that we found out that the carpet in the hall and bedrooms was put down over hardwood; so that part of the job will be much less expensive than the other work. They will simply remove the old carpet and sand and finish the hardwood underneath. The large family room and the kitchen do not have hardwood underneath, so those will be much more expensive to get done. We got one estimate today, and the other company that came and measured has not given us their estimate yet. Does a total of $6,400 for this job seem about right to any of you who know about flooring?

2007 Trends, Part I: Rachael Ray vs Martha Stewart and My Hopeless Home

Is this one of Murphy's Laws or something? As soon as I get it(no matter what "it" is this time),the style gurus announce to the world that whatever I have finally manage to acquire is now OUT of style!

Every January I enjoy reading what all the self-proclaimed experts have to say about changes they believe will occur in the coming year. In today's Atlanta Journal Constitution, there were two such articles.

One article on home trends was particularly distressing. I discovered that my cool new stainless steel refrigerator is now laughably out of style -- and thank goodness I never bought that pedigreed dog I wanted so much. It seems registered Golden Labs are OUT and "spare-parts dogs" (mutts) are IN.

On the other hand, I'm happy to learn that "making the bedroom comfortable for sleeping" is IN. HUH? Silly me, I thought that had always been the purpose of a bedroom. And I have never missed having a "luggage room", but since they are now IN, I'll have one please. And we did the right thing when we got that big dining table since "going out nowadays is about staying in."

These writers further proclaim that "Rachael Ray is to 2007 what Martha Stewart was in 1997." What good news for this cook! I formed a strong attachment to RaeRae, as we friends call her, as soon as I learned that she often burns bread. Go RaeRae!! Blackened Bread has long been my culinary specialty -- just ask anyone who knows me well.

I believe I'll save the other AJC article for tomorrow's post. It is about Nutrition trends for 2007. I guess I'll find that I've been eating all the wrong things. Have they discovered that broccoli and green beans should be replaced with high-trans-fat doughnuts and pre-packaged pastries? O, I forgot, that wasn't in the article -- that was in my dreams!

Blogger still won't let me add pictures today. Boo! Hiss! I had some good ones too.

Stay tuned for Part II of the Saga of Trends. Hasta manana, BayBee.