Maid of Honor speech

 When Natalie got married in 2023, Brianne, her Maid of Honor, prepared a beautiful speech to give at the rehearsal dinner when she would be asked to propose a toast. Christopher's Best Man, his father refused to bow to that convention; so Brianne had no opportunity to give her speech. I recently found it and want to preserve it; so here it is.

Okay, I'm going to try my best to get through this without ugly crying; but I really think that's highly unlikely, so if I start to lose it, maybe we can all just agree to pretend like nothing is happening and move on.

Throughout my life, my mom has always told stories about how Natalie use to always have to be holding my hand when we were little. Everywhere we went, she was always right beside mel, holding my hand. I can think of so many pictures that we have from when we were little of us walking through the zoo, on the beach, Easter egg hunting, even just sitting on the couch holding hands. 

As a big sister, I'm sure there were times it could have been a little annoying to have your little sister constantly want to be right beside you holding your hand; however, looking back, I realize now that Natalie has done that throughout my whole life; and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Natalie has held my had, bother literally and figuratively for 23 years. In some very obvious ways and in some more quiet ways that she might not even realize.  I know that no matter what we do or where we go as we start living mor separate lives, Natalie will always hold my hand, and I'll always hold hers. 

Chris, for some reason, Natalie like to hold your hand now. Really, though, I see how happy she is when she's with you, and I'm glad my sister is marrying a man who loves her so much and fits in with our family so well. I truly feel like I have gained another brother, and not just because we communicate in sarcasm, but also because you are so welcoming and accepting. As her big sister, it makes me happy to know that you will always be there to take care of her, make her laugh, make life fun, and hold her hand -- and if not, you live 5 minutes down the road, and I know where you hide the spare key!

Natalie and Chris, I am so happy that the two of you have found one another. I hope the following years are full of love, new adventures, growing together, living out dreams, so much happiness, and lots of hand-holding. I love you both. 

The Duty of the Octogenarian

 As one reaches my age, there is a sense of responsibility to be diligent in passing along hard-learned lessons in living. We see our grandchildren and their friends beginning to make the decisions that will determine the course of their lives, and we want to help them avoid setting living/thinking patterns that will lead to dissatisfaction, and unhappiness in their personal lives. We want them to see the value that their personal choices have in the continuation of a prosperous and functioning culture. Also, we are aware that many (most?) twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings have been taught by society that all opinions and ideas are equally valuable, and they don't need to listen to anybody else's input in their decision-making (a catastrophically erroneous idea).

For those willing at attend to a few life-experience opinions and recommendations, I offer these:

1. From your early days of marriage, set a pattern of real sharing with your partner. Be sure that you discuss more than just what's for dinner and who's going to mow the lawn. If you want your marriage to endure and thrive into your old age, you must KNOW this person you married. I regret that, in the hugeness of child-bearing, child-raising, and career-building, we had few discussions about what we read, what we heard in worship service, what direction we hoped to see our country move, and many other topics that would have given us insight to our partner's thinking.

2. Read regularly.

• When you read fiction, read at least some REALISTIC fiction (as opposed to all horror, fantasy, sci-fi, or the adrenaline-inducing "action" or "erotic" novels) The reason for this recommendation is that in realistic fiction we see real people facing real problems (like some you might face) and making difficult decisions. You have the opportunity to witness and evaluate the consequences of various life decisions as you read the denouement of the story. How often in real like could you have the opportunity to see, ahead of your own experience, what the long-term complications of a decision might be?
• When you read non-fiction, read about people or subjects that will give you something to admire, strive for, learn that will contribute to the success/happiness/productivity of your own life.

3. Remind yourself regularly that the only way to improved society is to improve individuals. When you live a clean, admirable, productive, and influencial life, you are doing your part to build a good society for future generations. You have little control over how other people live their lives.

4. Recognize that old proverbs, "sayings" "folk wisdom", etc. are actually good and helpful to remember and consider. They endured through generations because people through generations recognized their truth. Some of these include famous bible verses, quotes from great thinkers of the past, such as C.S. Lewis, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Abraham Lincoln, and many others.

5. I will add to this as I think of things that I consider really important.

Flight

 Today is deadline day in the Deadlines for Writers poetry group. The 4th poem of 2024, a sonnet or a villanelle, is due. I wrote a sonnet. 

Flight

 

A lonely child, rejected by the herd,

Seeks solace on the swings, her head held high.

She rises through the air, a seeking bird,

With wings outstretched and longing in her eye,

 

The sunlight warms her heart with its embrace;

And whispers, “Let’s be friends, just you and me!”

The friendly breezes kiss her hopeful face;

And she looks down -- sees mere humanity.

 

She’s striven for this courage all her life -

Now dons her armor, readies for attack.

No callous ugly names can cause her strife.

No one can call her less or hold her back.

 

New strength and joy beam from the cobalt sky.

“I’m someone!” she exults. “Just watch me fly!”

Lyn's Story about her 13th Birthday

 This was printed in the May 16, 1997 issue of the Mountain Echo {Fort Daniel Elementary School (Gwinnett County)} newsletter. Lyn was teaching 5th grade there the year she wrote this for the Birthday Spotlight.

It was my 13th birthday and I was opening gifts with my family when I unwrapped one of the most special gifts I've ever received. It was a square, flat present that I assumed was a record for the stereo that I had gotten for Christmas. However, inside the Gary Puckett and the Union Gap album jacket there was no such record, but an invitation.  To celebrate my becoming a teenager, my dad was inviting me on my first "date." It was an evening I'll never forget - just my dad and me. I got dressed up in a long light blue dress I had worn in my aunt's wedding and stood excitedly as Mom pinned a beautiful red carnation corsage on me.  We had reservations at a fancy restaurant, and that in itself was new and exciting to me. I'll never forget the feeling of walking proudly through the sea of tables to our seat on my dad's arm. I remember everything I had to eat that night, but the most wonderful part was the conversation. Through the entire evening I had my dad's undivided attention.  He listened to every word I said, laughed at all my jokes, and responded to me with enthusiasm equal to mine. He made me feel not only like an adult, but like a queen. To this day, that evening is one of the best gifts I've ever received.

To Caitlin

 In 1991, our first grandchild was stillborn. I wrote this poem. In October 2023, I found the old writing notebook in which I'd written the remembrance. 

To Caitlin

 

Did our love for you begin at the moment you emerged from your mother's body? No. Birth is not the beginning of life, and birth is not the beginning of love. A baby is in the truest sense made-up of love not only the love of parents but also the love of God and the family support system he ordained. We knew just before your birth that your life had ended and that we would have no opportunity to know you in this life.

As we entered the birthing room, we saw your mother holding your tiny little body so lovingly and your daddy, our son, looking at you with such love and tragedy in his eyes. You looked so natural and right with your parents whose love had created you. The love you shared as a family were so clear.

At that moment we realized that we, too, had long loved you. We held you, tiny and still, in our arms just long enough to say hello and goodbye. We never saw you breathe, never heard you cry, never saw your eyes. We grieved for the loss of your fugture - that you would never come to visit grandmother and granddaddy, never ride a merry-o-round, never see a Christmas tree, never…

The love, the loss, the loneliness was immeasurable. Only God can know how much you are loved. Even though you lived your brief little life hidden away inside your mother, you knew that we loved you.

 

1991

Rachael - First Grandbaby - And the Beat Goes On

Yesterday I found a writing folder from 1992. You might recall that this was before computer use was common and before the internet was fully developed. In this folder, I found a letter I had handwritten (carefully using only every other line so I'd have room to revise) to our newborn granddaughter. Rachael was born 13 months after her older sister, Caitlin, was stillborn. Here is that letter and a poem I wrote a year later. I had to restrain myself from my tendency to continue editing, but I have typed here just what was written there.  

You came into our lives on an icy December day, bringing sunshine, hope, and wonder. I gazed upon your perfect features and marveled to see your daddy's eyes looking back at me from your delicate newborn face. A replica of your mother's dainty lips pursed in thought. 

While I stood peering - acutely aware of your origins in the past, I was overcome with the knowledge that your are also the embodiment of the future - our hopes and dreams - our immortality. In you, we see, not only you, but also our own influence continuing into the generations yet to be. You are potential. All of life is before you. You can avoid the mistakes and faults that have marred our lives. You are free to develop YOUR personality and talents - free to become YOUR best.

I wish you, Darling Rachael, a childhood that provides security and happiness, and a sense of your self-worth. Along with these blessings, I wish for you the knowledge that as you mature, these privileges bring with them the responsibilities of right living. I wish for you (1) an understanding that there is a purpose for your life and (2) a desire to find and fulfill that purpose. For, in realizing that desire, you will find lifelong happiness. 

My notes ended there, unedited. A few page further on, I found this acrostic poem.

Rachael - Age 1

Reaching - in, out, up

Adding to the beauty in life, in others, in the world

Curious

Happy

Aware of no hate malice, envy

Energetic

Loving

Advice (from an 80-something) for Teens and Young Adults

 My sister, Carol Johnston, very generously gave each of her siblings a one-year subscription of Storyworth; so I have been trying to write my memories there. I just finished writing a verry time- and energy-consuming first draft of a chapter about advice for young folks. I will probably add to it before the end of the subscription, but I want to post this here to be sure I don't lose it. 

I grew up in a household that valued education, spirituality, responsibility, and ethics, and my only older sibling was an extrovert, so it is not surprising that I was a quiet and serious child; I read, listened, and thought a lot. I always considered myself (and my friends considered me, I believe) more mature than my age-mates. I assumed I could and would do whatever should be done in any situation I found myself in. 

In the winter of my life, looking back, I think I was mostly right in that evaluation. I believe that I have lived an honorable and valuable life, and I have had significant accomplishments at every stage of my life. However, there are things I would change about my teens, twenties, and thirties had I the opportunity to live them again -- with the wisdom that has come through life-experience. So here are a few bits of advice I'd like to pass along to anyone with ears to hear (or eyes to read as the case may be.) Some bits of advice come from my successes, and some come from my failures.

Learn and think about old adages. 

Those bits of folk wisdom are not intentionally taught like they have been in the past, so you might have to work to learn them. They have survived generations and been passed down because they have been proven true over and over. Many of those adages come from precepts in the Bible. Here are a few that I particularly value. This list is far from exhaustive.

• ·         Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Called “The Golden Rule) (based on Matthew 7:12)
• ·         Know thyself.
• ·         Knowledge is power.
• ·         Carpe Diem. (Seize the day.)
• ·         A stitch in time saves nine.
• ·         No man is an island.
• ·         There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
• ·         Measure twice, cut once.
• ·         Time is money.
• ·         You reap what you sow.

Learn them. Think about them.

Live by Biblical Principles

These have sustained millions of people through thousands of years. Many of these are included above. The following list is FAR from complete. Here are some particularly good ones:

• ·         Romans 12:12 is one of the most important guides for living. The more you think about this verse, the more wisdom is there. Your MIND is where change begins. Renew your MIND (your thoughts, your day-to-day focus) and you will transform your life. You want a better life? Have better thoughts.
• ·         And that leads to Philippians 4:8. Think about: whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…”
• ·         Galatians 6:7.  Your actions have consequences (good or bad) on you and those around you – and even on those who come after you. Choose to have a good influence on the world.  This goes along with the adage listed above: “No man is an island” (a quote from a poem John Donne wrote this poem in the 1500s. Read and think about this scripture and this poem.)

Take every opportunity you have to travel.

Seeing a variety of cultures, customs, and lifestyles broadens your mind exponentially.  Travel is one the best and quickest ways to learn that all people are more alike than we are different. I had very little exposure to cultures different from my own until midlife. Reading is the best substitute for travel. My extensive reading (experiencing other ways of life second hand) gave me more of the advantages of travel than I would have had otherwise.

Make conscious and thoughtful decisions about life changes.

Don’t let life just “happen” to you. Don’t choose a college major because it’s expected or easier. Don’t get married just because it’s the time most people are getting married. I think I lived from 15-25 mostly on autopilot. Went to college where it was expected and because it was expected. Decided on a major I was comfortable with. Decided to get married without much thought. Had little input in wedding planning or living arrangements. 

Live Life NOW!

Your teens and twenties are not preparation for life. They ARE life. Start now to BE the person you intend to be throughout life. Don’t waste the best years of your life waiting for something. Do it now.

Take early charge of your education.

Schools in the late 20^th and early 21st century have become focused on teaching skills instead of educating people to think and acquire the wisdom that has been developed through the centuries. Take charge.

·        Force yourself to read classic literature (both prose and poetry), at least some basic ancient philosophy, and history.

·        If possible, find someone to discuss your ideas with. This teaches you to understand what you have read and find the ideas that you question. It helps you clarify your thinking. It also teaches you to express why you think/believe what you think/believe.

·        Find some creative outlet, writing poetry, painting, drawing, producing music in some form. It is essential to a well-rounded and full life.

·         I PROMISE YOU this approach to life will give you a happier life than you would have living on just the surface, doing mundane things through the years.

Life is full of hard and/or unpleasant jobs that HAVE to be done.

This unpleasant fact has taught me several lessons.

1.       What you do NOT do exhausts you. My mother told me this dozens of times through the years. Worrying about it. Dreading it. Dealing with insurance. Handling confrontations of any kind. Making decisions about financial or interpersonal matters. Hard. Unpleasant. I learned the hard way. Just do it! The sooner you do it, the less it burdens you.

2.       Life is a matter of CHOOSING which “hard” you will deal with. It’s hard to budget; but it’s also hard to be in debt and embarrassed. It’s hard to stay in shape, but it’s also hard to deal with illness and dying young. It’s hard to diet, but it’s also hard to be fat. Marriage is hard, but so is divorce and singleness.

 

As one who’s been where you are, these are things I wish I had really understood earlier in life. 

Grandchildren's Birth Songs

When our first grandchild was born, Our daughter, Lyn, the baby's aunt, sang her a song made up on the spot, as Lyn often composed little songs. She did the same thing with her nephew, who was born 16 months later.  When Lyn had her own child a few years later, I didn't want her children to miss having their own song as their cousins did, so I continued the tradition. The later songs were more thought out and were longer and more detailed; so, through the years, we added on to the first two to make them more comparable in length and complexity. All the children loved to have their songs sung. 

Rachael -1992

Rachael Elizabeth, Rachael Elizabeth, 
Rachael Elizabeth, I love you.
You are an angel girl, 
Sweetest in all the world,
A rare and a precious pearl.
How I love you!

Dow - 1994

Dow Rabern, Dow Rabern,

I love you; we all do.

Dow Rabern, Dow Rabern,

I love you, yes, I do.

Oh, look at that handsome face,

Brightening up the place!

You are such a special boy.

What a joy!

Dow Rabern, Dow Rabern,

I love you, yes, I do. 

Brianne - 1997

Stefani Brianne, Stefani Brianne,
I love your sweet little face.
Stefani Brianne, I love you, Brianne.

You make the world a happier place.

 

Oh, I love you so -

You are the sunshine for my day.

I thank God for you -

You are starlight for my night.

Your sweet smile is music for my dance;

Your blue eyes are color for my sight.

Oh, Stefani Brianne, I love you, Brianne

You make the world a brighter, more beautiful,

Colorful, world a happier place!

AnnaGrace -1998

AnnaGrace Catherine, 

I love you so, Little Girl.

AnnaGrace, Sweet Angel Face, 

You brighten up our world.

Our world is brighter since

You came along.

You make it brighter with

Your happy song. 

Just thinking about you

Puts a smile upon my face -

Because I love you so,

Sweet AnnaGrace. 

Natalie - 1998

Natalie Joan. you are a treasure.

I love you more than I can measure

I love you warm as the sunshine,

Blue as the sky,

Soft as a cloud,

And twice as high.

I thank God every day

For the love He has shown

In giving us you,

Sweet Natalie Joan. 

Ethan - 2001

Jack Ethan, I love you

More than you'll ever know -

Every little part of you

From your head down to your toes,

You make my heart sing

With happiness and love.

Ethan, our precious boy

Sweet little Angel boy.

Ethan, our pride and joy,

You're a gift from up above! 

Funny, Food-related Family Kid Stories

In going through papers at my Mother's house recently, I found this collection of kid stories I'd sent to her in an email. It features my grandchildren and Jan's grandchildren who were the age for that kind of cute kid talk at the time. All the other family kids were just as cute and full of such communication, but these few just happened to be the right age to get quoted when this email was sent. 

Brianne (just turned 2) Her parents often turned the TV to a ballgame or cooking show when it was time for B to settle down for bedime (to avoice stimulating her and to calm her down.) 

One night, as they watched "Emeril Live", Lyn said, "Well, Brianne, we need to get you to bed." 

Brianne replied, "But I want to watch the man cook!"

*****

Brianne (age 2 1/2) The family was "driving through" a fast food restaurant when 

Brianne (who was very experienced in the protocol for this activity) politely requested, "Mom, det me a sketti combo." Of course, since no such item was on the menu, she got her "sketti combo) from a can when they got home! 

*****

Brianne (age3) was eating pasta at a restaurant. She commented, "Mom, this is messy.I should have just ordered a milk shake."

*****

Brianne (age 3 1/2) was spending the day with her grandmother. Linda had taken a cake out of the freezer to let it thaw. Brianne wanted a pice, so Linda cut her a mall piece. Later at lunch, Brianne told Linda she only wanted another piece of cake - not the food Linda prepared for her. Linda told her that she had to eat some food that was good for her and couldn't just eat junk.  

Brianne replied, "Nanny, that not junk! That CAKE!"

*****

Brianne (age 3 1/2) found a small packet of cinnamon candies as they were getting ready to go to church. and she wanted to eat some. 

"Mommy," she said,"do you think I will get some candy at church, or should I just go ahead and eat some of these?"

*****

Natalie (age 2) was with the family going out to eat. They had to stop by the back first. 

When her dad rolled the window down at the bank drive through, Natalie leaned forward and called out loudly, "Sausage, Biscuit, and Diet Coke!" then turning to her older sister, she continued, "What you want, BeeAnn (Brianne)?" (BTW, Natalie doesn't drink Diet Coke.)

Natalie (age 2 1/2) was eating eggs, not paying attention, and turned her spoon bowl-side up. 

She looked down and said, "What is this? My spoon is upside backards!"

AnnaGrace (age 2) was talking listening to her Daddy talk on the phone to her Granddaddy and wanted to talk to him. Her GDaddy asked her what he was doing. 

Her response was, "Helping Daddy eat his plate." 

Her dad had come home late from work and was eating the "plate" his wife had saved for him.

AnnaGrace (age 2 1/2) loved cantaloupe and held her plate up to ask for "more Santaclope."

Dow (age 5) was horrified when he heard his aunt and uncle talk about having "pasta" for dinner. 

He asked incredulously, "You eat POSSUM?!"

*****

Gibby (age 2 1/2) was in the grocery story with her mother and two OLDER siblings. As they headed into the meat department, Hannah and Johnnie, her siblings, who were walking, ran toward the lobster tank. Her mother saw the older children heading away and called,"Where to do think you're going?" Gibbie, sitting in the shopping cart, piped up, "I let them go see the crabs!"

*****

Gibbie (age 3 1/2) was in the kitchen and asked for a peanut butter sandwich. Her mother asked her to wait a minute while she finished up another chore.  Apparently mom took too long, so Gibbie took matters into her own hands and got out the peanut butter, bread, and jelly and put them on the counter ready for her mother to come make the sandwich. 

"Gibbie," said her mother, "This is crunchy peanut butter; it has nuts in it.  Put it back and get the other one. You like the creamy peanut butter."  

Gibbie replied, "No, Hannah and Johnnie like creamy. I like this!"

Her mother, Charmaine, said, "No, Daddy is the one who likes nuts in it."

Gibbie said, "Daddy like crunchy AND I like crunchy. Hannah like creamy AND Johnnie likes creamy. Hey. I'm beginning to see a pattern here!"

*****

Gibbie (age 4 1/2) started asking her mother about heaven. She was very concerned about whether or not there'd be candy in heaven. Her mother assured her that there would be plenty of candy in heaven (I does say that in the Bible, doesn't it?) Gibbie wanted to know when she would go to heaven. Her mother told her that she doesn't know but that most people don't go to heaven until they are much older.

Gibbie replied, with a sigh, "Oh, okay. Well, I'm still pretty new!" 

Autumn Trees

 As I admired the glowing-yellow ghinko trees on Broad Street in Rome over the past weekend, a strange thing happened. 

My mind focused on a couple of little three-word phrases that had apparently slept in my mind for years and suddenly awakened at the sight of the brilliant trees. "A solitary maple" kept playing silently in my head.

 "What!? Crazy Lady, that is not a maple. That is a ghinko!" my rational mind scoffed. 

"But it's dressed for the ball" my subconscious mind insisted.  

The phrases kept playing hopscotch, leaping over each other constantly as I went about my tasks

"solitary maple, dressed for the ball..."

I realized that the words were from some long-ago read literature. So, being the me that I am, I took out my laptop when I got home and began to research.(I have found as I've aged that I am becoming more me every day that I live. I am becoming so "me" somedays it's frightening!) And, thanks to DuckDuckGo, I found the source of the voice in my head. 

Apparently at some time in my school years I had read or studied Henry James's writing. DuckDuckGo showed me the quote that was stuck in my head, but life intruded before I found the longer work from which the quote comes. 

"A solitary maple on a woodside flames in single scarlet, recalls nothing so much as the daughter of a noble house dressed for a fancy ball, with the whole family gathered around to admire her before she goes."

Several observations:

1. A classical education, including good literature, is a gift that lasts a lifetime; so children need to read good literature in school instead of (or at least in addition to) the shallow witch/dragon/wizard/babysitter/amateur sleuth stuff around which much reading curriculum of our day is clustered. They need to store words of LIFE in their heads - appreciation of nature and nature's God. 
2. A watered-down general vocabulary leads to a watered-down mundane life. See, think, live, speak in specifics. 
3. I am grateful for the words that other thinkers through the years have passed down to us. 
4. The fear (wonder, amazement) of God is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 9:10) Young people need to be shown the majesty of God's creation and encouraged to absorb and appreciate it. 

Relics

 Marlon Brumbelow posted this photograph on social media in January 2021 with these words: 

As I was detecting an old home site in Rome today these long lost relics once again saw the light of day. A beautiful little sterling silver birthstone ring, a 1947 Offenhauser open wheel race car made by Tootsie Toy, and a marble. All have something in common. They belonged to a child. Regardless of who you are now or who you have been, we all have been children. We all spent time in a place where the world was not as big as our imagination. We could be anyone or anything without limits. Time was not something that seemed to confine us. We had years and years ahead and very few behind. I can't help but wonder if the children who lost these relics of the past in the heart of Rome may be reading this post? What kind of journey have they been on? I hope they found love and have lived with God's favor. I hope they are surrounded with their own children and grandchildren. I hope you never lost that childhood wonder and your memories are kind.

The first assignment in the 2021 Deadlines for Writers poetry group was to write a poem using the prompt "pure." My first thought went to the purity of childhood and how beautiful human nature is before it become influenced (tainted?) through contact with the expectations of others, the occasional cruelty of nature, and the failings of human character and strength. When I saw Marlon's post on Facebook about the relics he unearthed in Rome, GA, this week, children from the 1940s came alive in my head, and I wrote this poem. It is probably still not in its final version. 

Relics

Whether king, or barber, or lawyer, or maid -  

Each person you meet on your way -

Was once a child, an innocent child,

Spending days in pure innocent play.

****

“Way back when” he embraced each new day

Wide-eyed with wonder and mirth.

Eager to learn; quick to love;

Thrilled to inhabit the Earth.

 

The world is expansive, but she doesn’t know;

Her world is her family and friends.

Imagination is bigger - bigger by far -

Than the world ouside her “pretend.”

She rides off to France in her Tootsie Toy racecar

Hair blowing in carefree abandon.

Those stuffy adults trudging off to their work?

She just waves as she leaves them a’standin’

While they’re off at work, she takes a world tour,

From Paris to London and Rome.

She plays on the beaches, meets wizards and rogues,

Has parties, and still beats them all home.

****

He picks up a stick, draws a circle in dirt;

Friends gather ‘round for some fun.

He shines up the marble he won last week,

And grins as it gleams in the sun.

He positions the orb in his fingers just so.

He aims, one eye closed, and lets fly.

Click, clack, marbles scatter; the outside world’s gone.

That dirt ring’s the Earth and the sky.

**** 

But years come and go, and life takes its toll, and

He learns to be wary and coy.

Life is all business and “buyer beware.”

She can’t take time to enjoy.

 

Now the king, the barber, the lawyer, the maid,

Look grown-up, and sophistication’s implied,

But just show them these relics - this marble, this car -

And out pops the kid that’s inside!

Grady's Barber Shop

My grandfather's barber chair was like this one (thanks Frank Robinson). We girls visited once in awhile and Daddy Shaw (Mr. Grady) would let us ride up and down in the chairs! I'm so glad to have this picture!

Even though I don't remember there ever being a second barber at Grady Shaw's barber shop, there were two barber chairs in that shop, each upholstered in padded leather with slick, porcelain armrests.  And, if you were lucky when you went in for a trim, you would get to wait your turn sitting in the vacant barber chair.

After doing a little research I found that old chairs were made in Cincinnati, Ohio, between the early 1900's and 1950 by the famous maker of barber chairs, Eugene Berninghaus, with the model name,  “Hercules”, cast into the grill on metal footrests.  I remember when I was really young I thought it said, “Her Curls” and I couldn't figure out the connection to a “her” in a man’s barber shop, or how the extra "e" got in there.  I was a very naive child.

I found this picture of an old "Hercules" model Berninghaus chair on the internet and I'm pretty sure it is exactly like the ones in Mr. Grady's shop.  It came with a "child seat" that went across the handles, and I'm sure many of us got our very, first haircut in that little seat.

In Memory of Caitlin on her 18th Birthday - The Impact of a Stillborn Baby

As Christmas approached in 1991, we were excitedly anticipating the birth of our first grandchild. An early sonogram showed the baby to be active, healthy and female. We watched our daughter-in-law's slim body expand with Caitlin's growth, and we saw our son eagerly anticipating the beginning of his tenure as a dad.

The last weekend in October, we met our son and daughter-in-law in Cartersville, GA (halfway between their home in Rome and ours in Decatur) for dinner. La Donna was experiencing back pain, but had consulted the doctor and been assured her that all was well with the baby. However all was NOT well. The next week, on November 5, our son called us in tears saying that they were at the hospital. The doctors said that Caitlin must be delivered at once. They were not able to hear a heartbeat. Steve was terrified that he was going to lose his entire family, since La Donna's blood pressure was very high. Her life, as well as Caitlin's, was in jeopardy.

We arrived at the hospital about an hour and a half later not knowing what had happened in the interval (this was before the the day of constant contact with ubiquitous cell phones). As we entered the room, our son came toward us holding a tiny pink bundle in his arms, and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Our precious, much-loved Caitlin had been delivered stillborn. Her tiny hands, each featuring 5 perfect fingers, were curled as if reaching to clutch a parent's finger. Her delicately shaped lips formed a little O. She was perfect; beautiful. Her maternal grandparents, and Jim and I, each took a turn holding Caitlin, welcoming her, mourning her loss, and telling her goodbye. We circled our precious baby with love as we thanked God for the blessing of her short life. Soon the hospital personnel came and took her away. Such a short visit with our grandbaby!

Caitlin lived her entire life in her mother's uterus. We were not to see her learn to walk, go to school, or reach life's other expected milestones. In spite of the brevity of her life, Caitlin was well-loved. Her memory is dear to each member of our family. Her younger siblings know about her and talk about her. Her younger cousins mention her from time to time. We like to imagine what she would be like if she were with us today and how her daily presence among us would have changed the dynamics of family relationships.

Today I am trying to imagine our Caitlin celebrating her 18th birthday. It is hard to believe that 18 years have passed since the day I held her -- so briefly -- in my arms.

Susanna Wesley - Raising Responsible Kids

I've always admired Susanna Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley and 14 other children. She purportedly devoted one uninterrupted hour each week to each of her children. This week I read another article about her mothering style. Here are the 16 rules for her household (edited by my obsessive-compulsive need to organize and categorize.)

Rules for Children:

1. Do not eat between meals
2. Be in bed by 8 PM
3. Take any medicine without complaining
4. Be still during family worship
5. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters
6. Strictly observe all promises

Parental Policies:

1. Teach children to fear the rod
2. Require no daughter to work before she can read
3. Commend any attempt to please, even if poorly performed
4. Comment upon and reward good behavior
5. Never punish a child twice for a single offense
6. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished
7. Punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of
8. Give a child nothing that he cries for and only that when asked for politely
9. Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak
10. Subdue self-will in a child

Choices

I am up early this morning because I am faced with a decision that requires evaluating pros and cons and making an important choice. The case has been presented by both the prosecution and the defense; the time has come for the jury to deliberate. So my brain has been evaluating the evidence all night, ignoring my body's need to sleep. Because one or two hold-outs are keeping the jury hung, I have called a brief recess in the deliberations before the final vote is taken and a verdict is declared.

So my blogging thoughts turn naturally to the topic of decision-making or "choices"......

I have been pleased to notice recently that children are being taught the importance of choices. At least they are getting the concept that we make choices rather than just have life happen to us.

When our grandchildren, even the very young ones, tell us about something that happened at preschool, school or other setting away from us, they often make statements such as, "Well, Duncan just made a bad choice." This usually means that Duncan disrupted class and got into trouble or caused some mischief during playtime. I am glad to know that children are being taught that choices determine consequences. I hope they are learning to make choices instead of perceiving themselves as victims when they suffer the consequences of bad choices.

Choices. We make dozens of them every day. Some are good, and some are not so good. Some have profound consequences, and others are almost totally inconsequential. We can make choices that help us get through the rough periods of our lives, or we can drift through a bad situation, making a choice by not making a decision.

All of us have watched other people (friends, family members or colleagues) make choices that we can clearly see are leading them to eventual devastating consequences. Because we love these people, we probably have made efforts to convince them to change or alter a choice so they won't experience the negative consequences that we expect to follow. Of course it is good to try to help others avoid making poor choices; but ultimately people must make their own choices. Each of us must "own" our choices and allow others to take the responsibility or to "own" their choices.

One week in January, my weekly email from Words of Wisdom included several quotes on the topic of choices. Here are some of the best.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved........ William Jennings Bryan

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself."........Henry Ward Beecher

We design our lives through the power of choices.......Richard Bach

And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life - If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally
transform every area in your life - and it all begins with your very own power of choice...... Jim Rohn

You don't have to buy from anyone. You don't have to work at any particular job. You don't have to participate in any given relationship. You can choose...... Harry Browne

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that in itself is a choice..... William James

The judge is calling for a verdict; time for deliberation is running out. I must return to the jury room, take that final vote, make a choice, and announce my verdict in the case. Life is hard.

Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman was published by Bantam Books in 2006. He had some interesting things to say about "mindsight."

Mindsight is defined by neuroscientists as the ability to apprehend what seems to be going through someone else's mind.

Consider the following well-established tests used in experiments on mindsight to chart a child's progress:"

* At about eighteen months, place a large mark on a baby's forehead, then have her look in a mirror. Typically those younger than eighteen months will touch the mark on the image in the mirror; those older will touch their own forehead. The younger babies have not yet learned to recognize themselves. Social awareness requires that we have a sense of self, distinguishing us from others.

* Offer a child around eighteen months old two different snacks, such as crackers or apple slices. Watch which one the child prefers. Let the child observe you taste each of the snacks, as you exhibit clear disgust at the child's choice and show a strong preference for the opposite choice. Then place the child's hand between the two snacks and ask, 'Can you give me one?' Children younger than eighteen months will generally offer the snack they liked; older ones will offer the snack you preferred.

* For three- and four-year-olds, hide a treat somewhere in a room while this child and an older child watch. Have the older child leave the room. Then make sure the younger child sees you move the treat to a new hiding place. Ask the younger child where the older child will look for the treat when he comes back into the room. Four-year-olds will usually say he will look in the original hiding place; three-year-olds will guess the new place. Four-year-olds have realized that someone else's understanding can be different than their own, a lesson the younger ones have not yet grasped.

* The last experiment involves three- and four-year-olds and a hand puppet called Mean Monkey. You show children successively several pairs of stickers, and for each pair. Mean Monkey asks which sticker the child wants. On every round Mean Monkey chooses for himself the child's preferred sticker, leaving the other for the child. (That's why he's called Mean Monkey.) By around age four, children 'get' Mean Monkey's game and quickly learn to tell him the opposite of what they really want--and so end up with their desired sticker. Younger children typically don't understand the puppet's mean intention and so innocently continue telling the truth, never getting the sticker they want. ...As growing children master these social lessons ... their empathy approaches that of an adult. With this maturity, part of innocence ends.

Mirror Neurons - Autism -- TV Viewing ??

April, National Autism Awareness Month, is rapidly slipping through our fingers. We are already at the halfway point in the month. Much has been written about autism in the last few years, and there hasn't been much obvious progress for a while. However, I recently saw an interesting review of two articles on the topic. Both articles were in the November 2006 edition of Scientific American. Giacomo Rizzolatti, Leonardo Fogassi and Vittorio Gallese wrote "Mirrors in the Mind," and Vilayanur S. Ramachandran and Lindsay M. Oberman contributed "Broken Mirrors: A Theory of Autism."

"John watches Mary, who is grasping a flower. John knows what Mary is doing and ... why she is doing it. ... The simple scene lasts just moments, and John's grasp of what is happening is nearly instantaneous. ...[H]ow exactly does he understand ... so effortlessly? A decade ago most neuroscientists and psychologists would have attributed an individual's understanding of someone else's actions and, especially, intentions to a rapid reasoning process not unlike that used to solve a logical problem ... [but] the ease and speed with which we typically understand simple actions suggest a much more straightforward explanation. "

In the early 1990s our research group at the University of Parma in Italy, which at the time included Luciano Fadiga, found that answer somewhat accidentally in a surprising class of neurons in the monkey brain that fire when an individual performs simple goal-directed motor actions, such as grasping a piece of fruit. The surprising part was that these same neurons also fire when the individual sees someone else perform the same act. Because this newly discovered subset of cells seemed to directly reflect acts performed by another in the observer's brain, we named them mirror neurons."

We naturally wondered whether a mirror neuron system also exists in humans. ... Understanding the intentions of others is fundamental to human social behavior, and human mirror neurons appeared to confer that ability. ... We first obtained strong evidence that it does through a series of experiments that employed various techniques for detecting changes in motor cortex activity. ...

[Further] our results also demonstrated ... that the mirror neuron system responded strongly to the intention component of an act. "

At first glance you might not notice anything odd on meeting a young boy with autism. But if you try to talk to him, it will quickly become obvious that something is seriously wrong. He may not make eye contact with you; ... More disconcerting, he may not be able to conduct anything remotely resembling a normal conversation ... he may lack genuine empathy for other people and be oblivious to subtle social cues that most children would pick up effortlessly. ...

Because mirror neurons appeared to be involved in abilities such as empathy and the perception of another individual's intentions, it seemed logical to hypothesize that a dysfunction of the mirror neuron system could result in some of the symptoms of autism."

An October article in Time Magazine reports on a much-debated and disparaged report on a study done by professors at Purdue and Cornell in which they suggest that early extensive television-viewing could trigger the disease in some children.

The alarming rise in autism rates in the U.S. and some other developed nations is one of the most anguishing mysteries of modern medicine — and the source of much desperate speculation by parents. In 1970, its incidence was thought to be just 1 in 2,500; today about 1 in 170 kids born in the U.S. fall somewhere on the autism spectrum (which includes Asperger's Syndrome), according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Some of the spike can be reasonably attributed to a new, broader definition of the disorder, better detection, mandatory reporting by schools and greater awareness of autism among doctors, parents and educators. Still, there's a nagging sense among many experts that some mysterious X-factor or factors in the environment tip genetically susceptible kids into autism, though efforts to pin it on childhood vaccines, mercury or other toxins haven't panned out. Genes alone can't explain it; the identical twin of a child with autism has only a 70% to 90% chance of being similarly afflicted.

This article, and several others I read, goes on to ridicule the study done by researchers at Purdue and Cornell. These researchers clearly stated several times that their work was not definitive -- that it just "suggests" that there could be a connection. The critics of the study do not believe that there could be a relationship between the dramatically increased incidence of autism and the dramatically changed home environment since television became so much a part of our lives. I certainly don't expect anyone to discover that autism is caused entirely by television viewing, but I would like to see further studies made to determine if there is some "rewiring" of the brain that occurs when very young children are stimulated by constantly changing visual images with auditory accompaniment for 15 or more hours a day.

You can find numerous links to this topic on the internet if you wish to read further.

Middle School Speech Contest

In 1948 The Modern Woodmen of America, which was founded in 1883, began sponsoring an oratory and speech contest in schools. The purpose of the contest was to offer students an opportunity to develop skills in clear thinking and public speaking. By the year 2005, over 90,000 students were participating in the event yearly.

This afternoon I served as a judge in the local contest at a middle school in our county. The topic for this year was "A Great American Leader." We heard 11 contestants speak for 3-5 minutes each to tell why the person they chose qualifies as a "great American leader." The persons chosen by these young people included Wilbur and Orville Wright, Sacajawea, Ray Charles, Harriet Tubman, Susan B. Anthony, and George Washington. Each young speaker had worked hard to present an interesting, informative, and convincing speech. Each one took the opportunity to improve his/her skills in English usage and public speaking. Each student who participated gained, no doubt, a boost in self-esteem as she/he completed this difficult task. So, in a very true sense, they were all winners. All participants received certificates, and the three top local winners received medals. The winner's name will be engraved on a school plaque as well. The other judge and I had a very difficult time narrowing the field and choosing just the three top speeches. The local winner will compete next month in the district competition, and the district winner will advance to the state competition.

Eons ago this contest was commonly conducted in High Schools instead of in Middle Schools and was referred to as an "oratory contest." During that long-ago time period, I was one of the student contestants. I won't even mention the decade in which I was the local and district winner and placed 4th in the state competition. That was a long time ago, but I enjoyed reminiscing about it as I participated in this contest again today in a different capacity.

Happy 6th Birthday, Sweet JED

Go over to Sleepless Juggler and read some cute stories about our youngest grandson. He's celebrating his 6th birthday today. He's definitely "a keeper"!!

Here is a picture of him when we went bowling a couple of weeks ago. He actually beat all 5 of our other grandchildren one game with a score of 104 -- and he's the youngest! This picture was made as he came back to his seat after throwing a strike. He got three strikes in a row the second game.

As of today, he says he is no longer odd. (He has a fascination with even and odd numbers.)

Happy Birthday, Sweet JED!

Dean Smith and The Carolina Way

Dean Smith, retired head basketball coach at the University of North Carolina, enjoyed one of the most successful coaching careers in American sports. Much of his success, I believe, stemmed from his exceptional understanding of the human need for affirmation and of the importance of teamwork - in sports and in life.

His book, The Carolina Way (Penquin, 2005), is subtitled Leadership Lessons from a Life in Coaching. In the book, Smith tells of three coaching techniques/strategies/philosophies he employed. The following excerpt is edited by me (ellipses indicate my deletions, boldings are mine for emphasis, and italics represent slight rewordings for clarity).

The Honor Roll: Our coaching staff graded each game on tape; ...we wanted the players to know that we appreciated the little things they did to help their team win. Based on our grading of the tape, we chose an honor roll for each game, and each category was for unselfish play. The Honor Roll included categories such as: defense, assist/error ratio, offensive rebounding, drawing charges, screening, good plays, blocked shots, and deflections. We wanted our players to depend on the Honor Roll as an appraisal of who played well, rather than the traditional postgame statistics [such as scoring].....

Shot selection: Sometime in the last ten to fifteen years of my career, I came up with the idea for scrimmaging that would teach our players good shot selection. I would.... award points on how good the shot was, not whether it went in the basket. For instance, if someone hit a tough 3-point shot when he should not have taken it, with a defensive player guarding him and no rebounding coverage, I would tell the manager to put down '0 points,' whether it went in or not. If someone had a layup opportunity with no one guarding him and he took but missed the shot, I would tell the manager to mark down the points, because he had taken the best shot....

Pointing to the passer. It began when John Wooden and I attended a ... conference in Colorado in the mid-sixties. On that trip, Wooden told me he wanted the receiver of a pass that led to a basket to say a quick thank-you to the passer or wink at him. I agreed, but wanted an even more overt gesture, because I felt that while spectators always knew who scored, they were rarely aware of the passer. So the next season, we asked the player who scored to point to the passer in acknowledging the unselfish act of passing the ball to him. Everyone likes to be appreciated.

To avoid encouraging children's natural instinct to be wholly "me-centered", might it be a good idea to use some of these same prinicples in the early learning stages of children's sports?