Advice (from an 80-something) for Teens and Young Adults

 My sister, Carol Johnston, very generously gave each of her siblings a one-year subscription of Storyworth; so I have been trying to write my memories there. I just finished writing a verry time- and energy-consuming first draft of a chapter about advice for young folks. I will probably add to it before the end of the subscription, but I want to post this here to be sure I don't lose it. 

I grew up in a household that valued education, spirituality, responsibility, and ethics, and my only older sibling was an extrovert, so it is not surprising that I was a quiet and serious child; I read, listened, and thought a lot. I always considered myself (and my friends considered me, I believe) more mature than my age-mates. I assumed I could and would do whatever should be done in any situation I found myself in. 

In the winter of my life, looking back, I think I was mostly right in that evaluation. I believe that I have lived an honorable and valuable life, and I have had significant accomplishments at every stage of my life. However, there are things I would change about my teens, twenties, and thirties had I the opportunity to live them again -- with the wisdom that has come through life-experience. So here are a few bits of advice I'd like to pass along to anyone with ears to hear (or eyes to read as the case may be.) Some bits of advice come from my successes, and some come from my failures.

Learn and think about old adages. 

Those bits of folk wisdom are not intentionally taught like they have been in the past, so you might have to work to learn them. They have survived generations and been passed down because they have been proven true over and over. Many of those adages come from precepts in the Bible. Here are a few that I particularly value. This list is far from exhaustive.

• ·         Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Called “The Golden Rule) (based on Matthew 7:12)
• ·         Know thyself.
• ·         Knowledge is power.
• ·         Carpe Diem. (Seize the day.)
• ·         A stitch in time saves nine.
• ·         No man is an island.
• ·         There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
• ·         Measure twice, cut once.
• ·         Time is money.
• ·         You reap what you sow.

Learn them. Think about them.

Live by Biblical Principles

These have sustained millions of people through thousands of years. Many of these are included above. The following list is FAR from complete. Here are some particularly good ones:

• ·         Romans 12:12 is one of the most important guides for living. The more you think about this verse, the more wisdom is there. Your MIND is where change begins. Renew your MIND (your thoughts, your day-to-day focus) and you will transform your life. You want a better life? Have better thoughts.
• ·         And that leads to Philippians 4:8. Think about: whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…”
• ·         Galatians 6:7.  Your actions have consequences (good or bad) on you and those around you – and even on those who come after you. Choose to have a good influence on the world.  This goes along with the adage listed above: “No man is an island” (a quote from a poem John Donne wrote this poem in the 1500s. Read and think about this scripture and this poem.)

Take every opportunity you have to travel.

Seeing a variety of cultures, customs, and lifestyles broadens your mind exponentially.  Travel is one the best and quickest ways to learn that all people are more alike than we are different. I had very little exposure to cultures different from my own until midlife. Reading is the best substitute for travel. My extensive reading (experiencing other ways of life second hand) gave me more of the advantages of travel than I would have had otherwise.

Make conscious and thoughtful decisions about life changes.

Don’t let life just “happen” to you. Don’t choose a college major because it’s expected or easier. Don’t get married just because it’s the time most people are getting married. I think I lived from 15-25 mostly on autopilot. Went to college where it was expected and because it was expected. Decided on a major I was comfortable with. Decided to get married without much thought. Had little input in wedding planning or living arrangements. 

Live Life NOW!

Your teens and twenties are not preparation for life. They ARE life. Start now to BE the person you intend to be throughout life. Don’t waste the best years of your life waiting for something. Do it now.

Take early charge of your education.

Schools in the late 20^th and early 21st century have become focused on teaching skills instead of educating people to think and acquire the wisdom that has been developed through the centuries. Take charge.

·        Force yourself to read classic literature (both prose and poetry), at least some basic ancient philosophy, and history.

·        If possible, find someone to discuss your ideas with. This teaches you to understand what you have read and find the ideas that you question. It helps you clarify your thinking. It also teaches you to express why you think/believe what you think/believe.

·        Find some creative outlet, writing poetry, painting, drawing, producing music in some form. It is essential to a well-rounded and full life.

·         I PROMISE YOU this approach to life will give you a happier life than you would have living on just the surface, doing mundane things through the years.

Life is full of hard and/or unpleasant jobs that HAVE to be done.

This unpleasant fact has taught me several lessons.

1.       What you do NOT do exhausts you. My mother told me this dozens of times through the years. Worrying about it. Dreading it. Dealing with insurance. Handling confrontations of any kind. Making decisions about financial or interpersonal matters. Hard. Unpleasant. I learned the hard way. Just do it! The sooner you do it, the less it burdens you.

2.       Life is a matter of CHOOSING which “hard” you will deal with. It’s hard to budget; but it’s also hard to be in debt and embarrassed. It’s hard to stay in shape, but it’s also hard to deal with illness and dying young. It’s hard to diet, but it’s also hard to be fat. Marriage is hard, but so is divorce and singleness.

 

As one who’s been where you are, these are things I wish I had really understood earlier in life.