Shopping 2023

Today is deadline day in the Short Story group of Deadlines for Writers. The prompt was "thin" and the story was to be exactly 1200 words. Here's the story I submitted. 

Shopping 2023

“So, Madam, did you decide on the black leather or the red suede?” I had just discovered the cutest little shop on a back street near my office and had found two purses that I really liked.

I swung the black bag onto my shoulder and examined my reflection in the mirror. Turning quickly, I looked at the other side where the red suede purse hung.

“I’ll take them both, thanks…..Jacinda,” I said squinting to read her name tag.

“Very good, Ma’am. We can offer you a 5% discount on the matching wallets. We have the bi-fold and the tri-fold available for the suede bag, but just the zippered one to match the leather.”

“I don’t think so. Just the purses please.”

“Many people who bought these purses also bought the double-helix keyrings made especially to coordinate with these bags,” said Jacinda, “but the matching Kleenex holders are no longer available.”

I glanced at the salesgirl in puzzlement. “Oh,” was all I could manage.

“Well,” I finally continued, “I’ll just take the two purses.”

“Customers who bought suede items also bought our ForeverYoung suede care kit. That comes with a lifetime guarantee and a free SuaDeCare brush for maintaining the new appearance of your beautiful purse. With this purchase, you can also get 10% off anti-stain seat covers for your car. The complete set is only $150.”

“Just the purses,” I repeated, smiling determinedly.

“Would you like more information about red suede products? That shade can be hard to find, and I can put you on the list if you like, Ma’am. First name? Surname?”

“I don’t think so, Jacinda. Just the purses, please.”

“Certainly, Ma’am.’ Jacinda took my card and discreetly looked the other way while I input my PIN.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” she said, handing me the receipt. “You may also be interested in these other black leather items,” she added, showing me a range of shoulder bags nearly identical to the one I’d just bought but at slightly lower prices.

“Hey, wait a minute!” I said, “Can I exchange the black purse for one of these cheaper ones that look just like it?”

“Of course, Ma’am, you are free to make an exchange within 7 days of purchase. Purchases will be refunded in full by mail within 30 days, subject to terms and conditions and must be accompanied with a valid receipt. Of course, all refunds are at the sole discretion of the store manager.”

“Never mind,” I sighed.

***

I had stopped at a traffic light on the way home when suddenly the passenger door opened, and Jacinda calmly got in and seated herself in the passenger seat of my car.

“Thank you for choosing The Bag Lady for your purchase today,” she said. “Would you care to rate your shopping experience? On a scale of one to five, how happy were you with the service you received today? One is not at all happy, and five is very happy.”

I stared in disbelief. The light changed, so I accelerated. “I’m sorry, Jacinda, but really…“

Unfazed, she continued, “How would you rate the value of the items you purchased today on a scale of one to five, where one is very poor value and five is very good value?”

Talking a long, slow breath, I exhaled and spoke calmly, “Look, I don’t…“

“How would you rate the layout of our store, on a scale of…“

As I stopped at the next light, I reached across the car, opened the passenger door, and glared at the persistent salesperson until she stepped from my car in a huff and slammed the door behind her. I quickly locked it.

Relieved, I continued driving home.

***

The following morning, I was showered, dressed, and just finishing breakfast when the doorbell rang. Who in the world would be at my door this early in the morning? I didn’t have time for this! I couldn’t afford to be late to work! 

“Riiiiiing!” Sighing, I walked into the foyer and opened the door. A tall, thin man stood there - trailed by a large rolling suitcase.

“Good Morning, Ms Firstname Surname! As someone who’s interested in red suede products, you’ll be delighted to know that you’re eligible for an exclusive 15% discount on our extensive range of toilet bags, wallets, TV remote control holders and sundry goods, all crafted from AlmostReal Suedina….”

I stepped back. “I’m not interested. How did you get my name and address anyway?”

“Our company is a ‘selected sales partner’ of The Bag Lady, their affiliates and subsidiaries. As such, we from time to time….”

“Just because I bought two purses from that store, you…”

“Well, Ms Surname, you explicitly expressed an interest in receiving information about suede and suede-related items at the time of your purchase from our associate store. This purchase entitles you to receive special promotions and…“

I slammed the door. I didn’t remember agreeing to be put on any list. I’d stop by The Bag Lady on the way home from work today and put a stop to this madness.

***

As I parked in the lot behind The Bag Lady and stepped out of my car, I was tapped on the shoulder by a wiry little man wearing a turban and speaking with a middle Eastern accent.

“Excuse me, Madam,” he said, “I wonder if you would be so kind as to help me with a small problem."

I began fumbling with my purse to see if I had some change.

“It is my uncle,” the man explained. “He is the former exchange minister of my country, and he has been forced to flee his home leaving all his wealth behind. It amounts to some 300 million dollars. I am prepared to offer you, Ms Firstname Surname, ten percent of that sum in exchange for your assistance in getting the funds out of the country.”

I sputtered in disbelief and quickly stepped away and toward the entrance to the store.

Just then, on my other side, a big bruiser of a man wearing a cowboy hat punched my arm.

“Hey, Doll! I got a deal for ya.” He began pulling me toward the alley. “I just got a great supply of those little blue pills real cheap. Believe me, these’ll do more for the old man’s libido than your sexy red suede purse will. I can let you have ten of these babies for..”

I ran.

Slipping breathlessly into The Bag Lady, I looked around for Jacinda.

“Excuse me,” I said to the nearest associate. “I’d like to talk to Jacinda.”

“I’m Jacinda, Ma’am,” she said. “How can I help you?”

“No, I talked to another clerk yesterday. Her name was Jacinda.”

“We’re all Jacinda,” she said with a bored shrug. “How can I help you?”

“Well, okay.” I said. “I bought a couple of purses here yesterday, and I seem to have got on some sort of list. I want to be taken off that list.”

“Of course, Madam,’ replied THIS Jacinda. “I’ll take care of that right away. Now, since you’ve expressed an interest in lists, I’d like to show you our extensive range of list-related products? We have a special offer…”

9/11/2019

For almost 3000 Americans, 9/11/01 was simply a regular day. Some went to work expecting a routine workday. Some went to the airport in order to meet a business need or celebrate a family occasion. Some were keeping a routine appointment of some kind. Some were taken there in their mother's/father's arms to be cared for while their parents worked. All of them left home that morning not knowing that they had seen their loved ones for the last time. Their lives were needlessly taken away because of the evil plans of other people - and because of the action those perpetrators took based on WHAT THEY BELIEVED.

Don't tell me "It doesn't matter what you believe as long as you believe it sincerely." That is a HUGE fallacy. It DOES matter what you believe. It DOES matter when you believe that YOU should determine how others should live their lives or meet their deaths. It DOES matter when people allow some organization (be it the government or some religious/social hierarchy) to legislate their personal choices. God bless the thousands of His children whose lives were lost and the tens of thousands of His children who were negatively impacted that day because of the mistaken, but strongly held, beliefs of a few other people.

God give us the wisdom to use the lessons learned from that terrible day to build a kinder, gentler society. God give us the strength to resist evil in whatever form it presents itself.

Reading, Reviewing, and Ruminating

Nobody likes for others to cut in front of them in line. Nobody likes those that get promoted ahead of them at work through deceit and/or false documentation. Who doesn’t resent that lazy kid who gets a A just because his/her parent terrorizes the school and teachers — while his/her hard-working classmates get the grades they earned? Who likes to sit on the bench while the kid who missed most of the practices carries the ball? Nothing hurts morale and destroys a sense of togetherness more than such unfair situations. 

Unity, morale, progress, civility- 

(1) For the individual, these come from one’s personal moral standards. (2) On a relationship and small-group level, these come from mutual respect and mutually-established “rules of engagement” or stated regulations. (3) on a national level, unity, morale, progress, and civility are achieved by universal adherence to legally-made regulations (laws) and established common goals (a constitution.)

I think this explains (at least partially) the low morale, disunity, and incivility in current American society.  It is fundamentally “unfair” to establish sanctuary cities to protect lawbreakers, to provide freebies for some while others have to work and pay for the “free” stuff that others enjoy, to give rewards to those who break the law (illegal immigrants with voting rights, etc.) 

Just reading, reviewing, and ruminating this morning...

PETA-philes

Here's my sign.

Make your own KFC sign at KentuckyFriedCruelty.com

I saw this opportunity at Blue Star Chronicles and couldn't resist poking a little fun at folks who see no bigger problems in our society and eating chicken!

Rosie O'Donnell and The View

Rose, Rose, Rosie, GuhBYE!

I knew the news was too good to be true -- Yes, Rosie is leaving "The View" but she is not leaving the view.

Mouths and attitudes like hers don't go down without a fight, and she enjoys the limelight WAYYYYYY too much to go quietly into that good night. We will not be able to forget her name as long as the media keeps reporting every outrageous and bitter comment that spews out of her filthy mouth.

I don't know about you: but I actually miss the funny comedienne she used to be before she decided, a few years ago, to leave the entertainment business and become a spokesperson instead. Remember when this was a more common facial expression than the one above?

Imus, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton

Talk about a "tempest in a teapot"! How is it news that a radio show host who was hired to be outrageous has made an outrageous statement?

Norma at Collecting My Thoughts wrote

If I had to choose which (Imus or rappers) insults black women more to more people, it would be the black rappers. Black performers making millions from the white kids buying their music regularly demean and objectify black women, calling them stupid Hos. You can dress it up with bling, but it doesn't change the meaning...... African American "leaders" in the media or entertainment world who are acting holier than thou need to make a stop at a music store, or where that filth is sold.

Sharpton and Jackson, the self-appointed defenders and protectors of "blackness", fail to be offended by the daily demeaning of their race by black rappers and yet are outraged on a daily basis by any comment made by some "celebrity" who was hired to be outrageous. My impression is that they are not so much appalled and offended by these occurances as they are thrilled for the opportunity to grab the headlines once again and promote themselves to the public. Their comments magnify the situation and lead to further tension between the races.

I also read Carol's apt comments at The Median Sib:

Now it seems that he said something that was offensive to African Americans. So, of course, the usual perpetually outraged voices are raised in protest demanding that Imus be fired. While I agree that he was really stupid and crass in what he said, I wonder where all this politically correct censorship will end. ...... His remarks aren’t criminal and they don’t warrant his being fired. They only mark him as insensitive and stupid. And those aren’t necessarily bad personality traits for a radio host. There are lots of radio stations out there. If Imus offends you - turn the dial.

Apparently this guy, Imus, whom I have never heard, was hired to be outrageous and politically incorrect on the air. From what I have read, it is what he DOES. Yes, programs such as this are offensive and demeaning, but whatever they say is protected by freedom of speech in this country. Thankfully we also have freedom of hearing too. If folks didn't tune in to hear their foul commentary and persistent drivel, these radio hosts would have to find real jobs.

Thursday Thirteen - Edition #35 - TV Families

Thirteen Old TV Families Are you old enough to remember and name the TV shows that feature each group of characters below? These are mostly from the dark ages - the 40s, 50s, and 60s, although many of them continued to be aired much longer than that. Numbers 4, 10, and 12 were favorites of mine. 1.... Lucy, Ricky, and Little Ricky (with Friends Ethel and Fred). The name of the show? 2.... Andy, Opie, Aunt Bee Taylor (friends Barney, Floyd, Ernest T. and others) Ol' Ernest T. made irregular, but always entertaining, appearances on ????? 3.... Danny, Margaret, Kathy, Rusty, and Terry Williams were characters on what show? Danny's real-life daughter later became famous in a sitcom of her own. 4.... Dick, Laura, and Ritchie Petrie (with Sally and Buddy at work and Millie and Jerry for neighbors.) Sally's hairstyle was such a signature part of her character that she lived with it for the rest of her life. 5.... Donna, Alex, Mary, Jeff, and Trish Stone. 6.... Dobie, Herbert, Winnie, and Davy Gillis (and their friends Maynard G, Zelda, Leander, Thalia, and Milton.) One of these characters later became Gilligan. 7.... Jim, Margaret, Princess, Bud and Kitten Anderson could have been known as the syrup family. 8.... Jim, Ward, Theodore, and Wally Cleaver (and their friends Eddie and Lumpy.) 9.... Wilbur and Carol Post (and an important animal friend.) 10.... Kelly Robinson and Alexander Scott. 11.... Alexander Mundy, Alistair Mundy, Noah Bain, and Wally Powers. 12. Maxwell, 86, and 99 always had to deal with Chaos. Maxwell's shoes were in his hands more than they were on his feet. 13.... Amos Jones, Andrew Hogg Brown, Kingfish Stevens, Algonquin J Calhoun, and Sapphire Stevens. How do you think you did? Answers below: 1. I Love Lucy. 2. The Andy Griffith Show. 3. Make Room for Daddy. 4. The Dick Van Dyke Show. 5. The Donna Reed Show. 6. The Many Lives of Dobie Gillis. 7. Father Knows Best. 8. Leave It to Beaver. 9. Mr. Ed. 10. I Spy. 11. It Takes a Thief. 12. Get Smart. 13. Amos and Andy. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Celebrity Gossip or News?

On my comcast homepage as I write, these are the top"news" stories: 1)Stressed out Witherspoon quits job." 2) Van Halen: I'm going to rehab for fans. 3) Selma Hayak engaged and expecting. 4) NHL Player suspended for stick to face. 5) Winslet denies diet doctor claims, wins.

Hey, "News" editors, I have NEWS for you. This is not NEWS! This is celebrity gossip. News would be information about the war, the economy, government policy, and other events that have more significance that the posterior portions of a rat's anatomy!

Between: a Girl's Guide to Life - Are Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears the Role Models We Want for our Girls?

An article in yesterday's Atlanta Journal Constitution reviewed Vicki Courtney's book Between: A Girl's Guide to Life (BH Publishing.)

The ages between 10 and 15 are some of the hardest for girls. Many obsess about their weight and the latest fashion trend, and aspire to be the next Paris Hilton. "At some point, parents need to say, 'Enough is enough,' " said Vicki Courtney. "The culture is robbing our girls of their girlhood — and once those years are gone, they can never get them back." Courtney also says, "The main point I try to make to parents is to insist on being a parent first and a friend later. If you haven't set boundaries for kids before they hit their teen years, you are in trouble. You will have a tween asking for seven pairs of designer jeans for $100 apiece."

This article struck a chord with me. It distresses me to see girls as young as 5 or 6 trying to imitate the "celebrities" they see on television and on other media. Our young girls are surrounded by negative forces seeming to conspire to make them develop negative self-images and encourage them to spend their childhoods dissatisfied and trying to act like little adults.

Parents must be available to be a limiting force for their girls - parents are not "friends" - they should be guides, encouragers, leaders; in short, parents. An occasional parental comment about the behavior of pop culture icons such as Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears could help young girls see the negative aspects and the shallowness of the lives of these perpetual "little girls playing dress-up." Today's young girls likely don't have the life experience to see these things for themselves and may need a parent's perspective in order to view them realistically. Children of both sexes and all ages need and WANT boundaries and guidance.

On a loosely-related note, I read somewhere about another book entitled The Body Project, by Joan Jacobs Baumberg, which examined young girls’ diaries from the 1800’s to the 1900’s. This writer found that “In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, girls’ diaries focused on ‘good works’ and perfecting the character. In the 1900’s, the diaries are fixated on ‘good looks,’ on perfecting the body.” The author writes her book as an advocate for today's girls . She believes that they are allowed dangerous sexual and relational options without the emotional maturity and life-experience to handle the various choices. They are also lacking the protective umbrella of moral guidelines and supervision provided by earlier generations.