Shopping 2023

Today is deadline day in the Short Story group of Deadlines for Writers. The prompt was "thin" and the story was to be exactly 1200 words. Here's the story I submitted. 

Shopping 2023

“So, Madam, did you decide on the black leather or the red suede?” I had just discovered the cutest little shop on a back street near my office and had found two purses that I really liked.

I swung the black bag onto my shoulder and examined my reflection in the mirror. Turning quickly, I looked at the other side where the red suede purse hung.

“I’ll take them both, thanks…..Jacinda,” I said squinting to read her name tag.

“Very good, Ma’am. We can offer you a 5% discount on the matching wallets. We have the bi-fold and the tri-fold available for the suede bag, but just the zippered one to match the leather.”

“I don’t think so. Just the purses please.”

“Many people who bought these purses also bought the double-helix keyrings made especially to coordinate with these bags,” said Jacinda, “but the matching Kleenex holders are no longer available.”

I glanced at the salesgirl in puzzlement. “Oh,” was all I could manage.

“Well,” I finally continued, “I’ll just take the two purses.”

“Customers who bought suede items also bought our ForeverYoung suede care kit. That comes with a lifetime guarantee and a free SuaDeCare brush for maintaining the new appearance of your beautiful purse. With this purchase, you can also get 10% off anti-stain seat covers for your car. The complete set is only $150.”

“Just the purses,” I repeated, smiling determinedly.

“Would you like more information about red suede products? That shade can be hard to find, and I can put you on the list if you like, Ma’am. First name? Surname?”

“I don’t think so, Jacinda. Just the purses, please.”

“Certainly, Ma’am.’ Jacinda took my card and discreetly looked the other way while I input my PIN.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” she said, handing me the receipt. “You may also be interested in these other black leather items,” she added, showing me a range of shoulder bags nearly identical to the one I’d just bought but at slightly lower prices.

“Hey, wait a minute!” I said, “Can I exchange the black purse for one of these cheaper ones that look just like it?”

“Of course, Ma’am, you are free to make an exchange within 7 days of purchase. Purchases will be refunded in full by mail within 30 days, subject to terms and conditions and must be accompanied with a valid receipt. Of course, all refunds are at the sole discretion of the store manager.”

“Never mind,” I sighed.

***

I had stopped at a traffic light on the way home when suddenly the passenger door opened, and Jacinda calmly got in and seated herself in the passenger seat of my car.

“Thank you for choosing The Bag Lady for your purchase today,” she said. “Would you care to rate your shopping experience? On a scale of one to five, how happy were you with the service you received today? One is not at all happy, and five is very happy.”

I stared in disbelief. The light changed, so I accelerated. “I’m sorry, Jacinda, but really…“

Unfazed, she continued, “How would you rate the value of the items you purchased today on a scale of one to five, where one is very poor value and five is very good value?”

Talking a long, slow breath, I exhaled and spoke calmly, “Look, I don’t…“

“How would you rate the layout of our store, on a scale of…“

As I stopped at the next light, I reached across the car, opened the passenger door, and glared at the persistent salesperson until she stepped from my car in a huff and slammed the door behind her. I quickly locked it.

Relieved, I continued driving home.

***

The following morning, I was showered, dressed, and just finishing breakfast when the doorbell rang. Who in the world would be at my door this early in the morning? I didn’t have time for this! I couldn’t afford to be late to work! 

“Riiiiiing!” Sighing, I walked into the foyer and opened the door. A tall, thin man stood there - trailed by a large rolling suitcase.

“Good Morning, Ms Firstname Surname! As someone who’s interested in red suede products, you’ll be delighted to know that you’re eligible for an exclusive 15% discount on our extensive range of toilet bags, wallets, TV remote control holders and sundry goods, all crafted from AlmostReal Suedina….”

I stepped back. “I’m not interested. How did you get my name and address anyway?”

“Our company is a ‘selected sales partner’ of The Bag Lady, their affiliates and subsidiaries. As such, we from time to time….”

“Just because I bought two purses from that store, you…”

“Well, Ms Surname, you explicitly expressed an interest in receiving information about suede and suede-related items at the time of your purchase from our associate store. This purchase entitles you to receive special promotions and…“

I slammed the door. I didn’t remember agreeing to be put on any list. I’d stop by The Bag Lady on the way home from work today and put a stop to this madness.

***

As I parked in the lot behind The Bag Lady and stepped out of my car, I was tapped on the shoulder by a wiry little man wearing a turban and speaking with a middle Eastern accent.

“Excuse me, Madam,” he said, “I wonder if you would be so kind as to help me with a small problem."

I began fumbling with my purse to see if I had some change.

“It is my uncle,” the man explained. “He is the former exchange minister of my country, and he has been forced to flee his home leaving all his wealth behind. It amounts to some 300 million dollars. I am prepared to offer you, Ms Firstname Surname, ten percent of that sum in exchange for your assistance in getting the funds out of the country.”

I sputtered in disbelief and quickly stepped away and toward the entrance to the store.

Just then, on my other side, a big bruiser of a man wearing a cowboy hat punched my arm.

“Hey, Doll! I got a deal for ya.” He began pulling me toward the alley. “I just got a great supply of those little blue pills real cheap. Believe me, these’ll do more for the old man’s libido than your sexy red suede purse will. I can let you have ten of these babies for..”

I ran.

Slipping breathlessly into The Bag Lady, I looked around for Jacinda.

“Excuse me,” I said to the nearest associate. “I’d like to talk to Jacinda.”

“I’m Jacinda, Ma’am,” she said. “How can I help you?”

“No, I talked to another clerk yesterday. Her name was Jacinda.”

“We’re all Jacinda,” she said with a bored shrug. “How can I help you?”

“Well, okay.” I said. “I bought a couple of purses here yesterday, and I seem to have got on some sort of list. I want to be taken off that list.”

“Of course, Madam,’ replied THIS Jacinda. “I’ll take care of that right away. Now, since you’ve expressed an interest in lists, I’d like to show you our extensive range of list-related products? We have a special offer…”