There have always been introverts and extroverts in the world. That distinction of personalities has been studied and understood (?) by psychologists and psychology students for generations. But for some reason, the topic has become a frequent flyer on social media. Maybe this is because these outlets (social media) lend themselves so well to stream-of-consciousness sharing of ideas. These personality types can also be described (as can almost anything) as a "spectrum." Most of us fall somewhere in the middle between these two personality extremes; but that is a topic for another day.
I started thinking about this again when I saw two different good-natured-ridicule memes this morning on Facebook. One was a clever mockery of the long Southern goodbye, and the other meme attempted to explain introversion to the often-baffled extroverts of the world. I immediately formed a connection between the two topics.
First, let me affirm that I genuinely LOVE and am PROUD of my Southern heritage. I love our openness, our general assumption of the good intentions of others, our tolerance for differences and eccentricities, our close connection to the land and nature, and our intense loyalties to "mama an' 'em." BUT, I must also affirm that many of our customs and habits are torture for those of us who tilt the balance strongly toward the introvert end of the spectrum.
One part of our culture I have always disliked the is long Southern goodbye. In our large family, it is extremely common to have gatherings of 20+ family members for a long and loud gathering. When my enjoyment of the connection is waning and my tolerance for the noise and confusion is exhausted, I would STRONGLY prefer to just quietly gather my belongings and walk out the door. These people know that I have enjoyed seeing and visiting with them; they know I love them. Why, oh why, must I go around the room and hug every individual person and affirm my love for them? Why must I invent a plausible excuse for leaving and explain it convincingly and individually to each person in the room? Why do I have to be the center of attention for ten minutes before I can escape? I am grateful that in our family setting, I CAN sometimes just gather my belongings and leave. They love me enough to excuse this "rude" behavior and not really think less of me for it. At least I think that is the case.
But when I (and I assume many other introverts) have to attempt to leave a gathering of people with whom we do not share an entire lifetime of history, the Southern goodbye is a nightmare! Simply leaving the assembly without the endless personal interactions is not considered acceptable in the south. There is little that exhausts me more than having to come up with 50-60 pleasant things to say to make sure everyone feels valued and connected while everyone else looks on and evaluates.
Tuesday, July 02, 2019
Trials and Tribulations of a Southern Introvert
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2 comments:
Amen! I have, on occasion, started saying something to you only to find that you had slipped away and gone home. I understand - although with my guilt tendencies I usually wonder if I said or did anything to upset you. Then I remind myself that things are loud and crazy n I’d escape, too, if I could. I won’t go in that direction again. I have also, at times, escaped to my bedroom at Mother’s, closed the door and just breathed for awhile to settle down from the often loud and sometimes turbulent atmosphere of the gathering. I’ve suddenly remembered something i need to get at the store, too, and made a quick trip to Starbucks or Publix to enjoy a little quiet time. I both love it and dislike it at the same time. At parties and gatherings I try to make sure I speak to host/hostess before leaving - but I hate “announcing” my departure and being the center of attention as I have to explain why I must leave to everyone. I like slipping out quietly.
I'm so glad to know that you sometimes feel this way too, Carol!
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