25 Tips from the Frugally Insane

Most of us have read magazine articles proclaiming to list "time-saving" or "money-saving" tips. I read a funny satire of those articles the other day. It was called 25 tips from the frugally insane and was posted at the blog, Wisebread.

I love finding a bargain and have a reputation for being super-frugal. I would not belittle anyone for aspiring to save some money, but this satire of my kind was very funny. Click that first link to read the whole post. For your reading enjoyment, I have printed here some of what I considered the best parts.

25 tops tips from the VIZ archives.

1. Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to a local charity shop. They'll wash and iron them and you can buy them back for 50 cents.

4. Foil pick-pockets by placing a freshly toasted "pop tart" in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.

6. Can’t afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of clingwrap and press them into your eyes.

7. Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.

8. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

10. Put a stop to car thieves by siphoning off all your gas whenever you park your car, and carrying it round with you in one or two plastic buckets.

11. Why pay for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen fries from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

12. Smell gas? Locate the suspected leak by striking an ordinary match in every room in the house until a loud explosion reveals the source of the escaping gas.

13. Always keep a stick of butter in your pocket so that if you get your head stuck in railings you'll be able to grease your ears and slide out.

15. Office workers. Avoid distractions from your important paperwork by making "blinders" out of two post-it note stickers, one stuck to each temple.

16. Save electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

18. Old telephone directories make ideal, free personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

19. When reading a book try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark.

20. Save on gas by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

22. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in duct tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

24. Save on alochol by drinking cold tea instead of scotch. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a tablespoon of dish soap and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.